et, to

1 meritocracy
They tell me. The student magazines tell me. How to polish up ones CV. How to take care that there are no "holes". They all worked besides studying in some kind of relevant jobs. All the job offers seem to look for somebody else than me. Do I read enough newspaper? I´m afraid of assessment centers, yes I hate job interviews. I need time to become comfortable to show who I am and what I can. Somewhere out there there seems to be a strange group of elites who seem to be able to meet all the expectations, who seem to have the qualifications.
I know its bullshit. We are the people we have. And no one meets it all. But it seems to be the strategy of meritocracy. Always let people feel they are not enough, make them afraid of being dismissed. So we´ll adapt better, do more, learn more, strive to be better than anybody to have a second of safety. But true learning comes out of interest and curiousity and with the time needed.
- defrag my brain-

2 community
The girls. It´s so nice to be with them. To come home, to have common meals, to invite people. To know each other, so one starts to adapt a lot of ordinary daily actions, like setting a table how the other person likes it. To have night shifts together if one has to finish a paper. Yes, also being there when you don´t feel like.
And, its comfortable. So much that it also crazyly feels we have build up a world of our own in this city, made of work, uni, friendships, living commune. Spending less time with other friends. Being lazy to get to know new people. Not knowing what´s actually going on in the city.
People tell me they´ve been much more active, until they moved into a living commune which was really living community. Is this the dilemma of community living? Does it need explicit common purpose/goals/vision to not get stuck? Or is maybe the thought of needing something to achieve with community just meritocratic? Is being enough?