autumn is here and with it the times for nice cozy living commune evenings
...with cooking some curry together, drinking Rosè, Yogi-tea and caffè frappè, laying on Pillows on the floor, listening quitely and collective to "the little Prince" from Antoine de Saint Exupèry on CD and music of Yann Thiersen
...
"It's the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important."
the little Prince
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Shetland:
...went to the youth hostel. I have to admit that i was a little shocked and just wanted to go as i realised that at this prayerconference i intended to go to a lot of "old" people took part (i grew up in quite a "young" church) and that the style of worship wasn´t mine and that there were all these women waving flags and all this stuff. Yes, i realised that i can be quite shallow in these things...
prayed before my journey that i wanna learn how to worship, i want to get to know people from the northern countries and i want to dig deeper in prophetic things (whatever that might be). And God answered it: i really learned more what it means to worship, my uncomfortable feeling went, i felt like God was showing me that these old ladies who are so "embarassing" crazy and in love with God really understood what it means to become like a child, they don´t care what other people think about them -they´re just waving their purple flags (fitting sometimes to their purple clothes) because they are excited about God. In fact i was simply amazed: there was an lady about 70 staying with in the 12bed-dorm, looking often for her pills, being the cutest granny and praying like crazy! Another old lady told me they were pioneer missionaries in Jamaica (or somewhere there) and they have seen some of Gods moving in people, have seen some poeple getting saved but still they are so hungry and just cry out to God that he will have his way with our nations. Some others told that they were for 7 years underground missionaries in Egypt- and i had the priviledge to be around all those people!
This week was kind of really honest and "naked", making ourselfes vulnerable to each other. I felt more set free to pray and to talk in front of people, there was no need to be "cool" (it does sound very childish but in fact i think we might all feel this pressure of being acceptable and cool) in the midst of these people. I felt kind of save despite all strangeness. Later on some other people confessed that things were really strange to them first as well, but they heard God talking to them also: who do you think you are?
That was what happended: unity despite of all represented confessions.
Often i had no clue what God was doing, but all we can pray then is: God have your way...
Also met some "young poeple"who became friends, mainly from the UK, but also from Finland, Iceland and Holland...it´s amazing how people start to pray and share dreams together or just witness about their lives...about living a monk-life, community life, talks about politics, poverty and justice, doubts, travelling... God really broadened my mind totally
(this is getting too long again-check out the next days)
Monday, October 24, 2005
guess this was the laziest weekend i ever had in my life- except of the time i was a baby...
Will start today finally to tell something of my travels- a little strange cos it´s already some weeks ago...
so here it comes
Part 1: Scotland
Prelude:
...those of you who know me might know that i´m not the most organized person, so i was a little afraid to go on this journey just by myself- my flatmate told me afterward she waited all the time for a phonecall or email telling her that i lost my purse and creditcards and that she needs to send me something...
i organized some basic things via internet some weeks before, and thought somehow it won´t really work out- but i need to conquer my fears
it felt like i just had to do it- without very sensible reasons...("fly away where heaven calls my name"- delirious)
Scotland: i started in the beginning of August, going by train to cologne and from this by plane to edinburgh, my backpack was too big, my knees too soft... they have funny toilets in edinburgh -and they seriously seem to think people out of the island don´t know basic behaviour...i was a little surprised:) (see the pic)
hanging around in Edinburgh for some hours was simply amazing. The poor German guy next to me in the bus had to suffer from my communicative excitement (i probably sounded nearly like an english girl - that´s amazing, awesome, brilliant, great,- i like english people- no misunderstandings) - but really: Edinburgh is absolutely stunning- so many beautiful buildings, flowers everywhere, what a flair- and an old guy talking to me- just smiled and nodded as i didn´t understand the third time what he intended to say to me...really had to get used to the scottish accent
wanted to go then by bus to Aberdeen -and i couldn´t find the busstation- i was certainly on the right square running all over it - thinking that was your short, but nice journey, until i saw this tiny tiny sign leading me to an underground busstation -thank u jesus- my e-ticket was really valid- didn´t really believe it because i could choose what price i wanted in the internet...had then this wonderful journey through these scottish landscapes til Aberdeen
went then by ferry over night to lerwick- let´s say the capital village of the Shetland Islands-
slept like lot of other passengers in my sleepingbag on a bar bench...
Shetland:
never travelled that long before as i arrived after 24 hours (altogether) in Lerwick. It was green and grey and windy as i...
(the story goes on later- i prefer the cheap soapopera-style:-)
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
the Poem
How many loved your moments of glad grace
and loved your beauty
with love false or true
but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you
and loved the sorrow of your changing face
(and for my badly negelcted German friends)
Wie viele liebten
,ehrlich oder nicht,
das Heiter-Schöne an Dir
Einer nur
sah liebend deiner Pilgerseele Spur
in Trauer wandeln über dein Gesicht
Hannelore Hildebrand
seen somewhen in the beginning of summer in the blue child in Dresden- this poem just got me
Now everybody on our toilet has to read it
and loved your beauty
with love false or true
but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you
and loved the sorrow of your changing face
(and for my badly negelcted German friends)
Wie viele liebten
,ehrlich oder nicht,
das Heiter-Schöne an Dir
Einer nur
sah liebend deiner Pilgerseele Spur
in Trauer wandeln über dein Gesicht
Hannelore Hildebrand
seen somewhen in the beginning of summer in the blue child in Dresden- this poem just got me
Now everybody on our toilet has to read it
Monday, October 17, 2005
the childish weekends and the summary of the last year
Part 1:
It´s still golden autumn...was out on saturday with a friend of mine and her 6year old son and his friend, we just had this amazing great time
sitting at the river watching the sun go down,
climbing on statues,
running like crazy along the rhine through all the tourists crowds,
screaming at them that they won´t forget we are alive,
having the little boy on my shoulder,
teaching each other english, being exited about the rising moon and red leaves
hushling through the leaves, throwing them at each other, leaves...
these boys are so cool, they are simply alive- so we just had to join them
Part2: This is the longer one... somehow i feel like putting a short summaryof my last year in here- as far as possible- so thanks for your patience
So what happend?
Moved one year ago in this beautiful city at the rhine, smaller than dresden, but still cool
started to study- i´m loving it
Met hundreds of new people, being mostly the youngest one
putted big, black dots with my flatmate on our white kitchen cupboards
missed my friends,
high telephonebills,
loads of partying,
eating "Zwiebelkuchen" and drinking "Federweißer"
i have studymates who lived in Italy, Egypt, USA, UK...who wrote books full of poems, who play in bands, who are making movies, who are great jugglers, loving people - what a priviledge
watching the Switzerland and Dutch ships- deaming to make this big boat tour on the rhine to Rotterdam and further,
was on a great new years camp in Saxony with lots of young English, Dutch and German people
God moved and is moving ,
Having a heaters-fall-out in february - was about minus 13 degrees outside- felt like it inside as well,
Studied heavily with coat on for examen,
had a new haircut ,
had living commune parties with goat cheese, singing along to "Brown feather sparrow" and watching the sun rise ,
visitited a house where people with AIDS live-don´t know if i ever experienced so much Hope and Hopelessness next to each other,
Had an "narrative Interview" for study with a man who experienced homelessness twice...
Was in Holland in february for a training time and to meet people i love- discovered that gentleness is a fruit of the Holy spirit and not just a personality-thing
was on the Fred festival
realised how much more i could have loved and love in action the people i love, -why do we hold so often back in daily life? (...and the only thing, i´m sorry for is that i didn´t love you more...)
Thought about summer and the shetlandthing i felt i should go to- said to God i might need money for it- someone offered me three days later a job in a Pub, lot of other people applied for it, but he told me he didn´t like any of them and he thought i would fit in the pub- didn´t even know before that he knew my name... thank you God
prayed and refused to pray and prayed
Had cool seminars about adventuresports
Had hang outs at the rhine river
Camp with my Dresden church in Czech republic, hugging, dinking coffee and wine, sitting at bonfires getting lost on a trip to prag- (we didn´t wanted to use the highway cos it costs money- so we drove through all those not- on- the- map-villages all ending with -ice, the signing for the supermarkets were bigger than sign for direction- arrived after some hours of driving through Czech in the camp... )
Had a great talk with a turkish guy in a very cold winter night very late (i guess it was about 2) in a tiny kebap shop in dresden- telling me how he feels being turkish in Germany... people are so precious- why don´t we treat them like that?
Being messed up by all those theories, -needing conviction and revelation-
met a guy on a wednesday night on the streets who is totally excited about Jesus- told me that God had told him to leave everything and to experience the life of the people on the streets- to go to those recognised as being on the lowest stage ... a greek to the greeks, a "tramp" to the "tramps"- people are precious, again
learned to juggle- maybe not my greatest talent- i´m so bad at it
attended some finnish-lessons-> not very productive
working at parties having strange discussuions with drunk people explaining them like to little children why i won´t give them any more beer...
philosophing with friends: we need revolution, but making an revolution brings just new supression on the people who don´t agree-> result: we got to be the revolution
dancing walz at 4 o´clock in the morning
learned in uni how to film and to make some videowork
Had a Prostest week against the Introduction of Studyfees on our campus with tents and the funeral of Education
thinking about fairtrade, socialism, social work with rightwing youth- what would jesus think?
nice music
being with a french friend on day in Frankfurt visiting about 5 great museums, - japanese architecture is greatscary
had a cool talk with a fourty-year-old belgium guy in very bad Dutch - i see no generation gap
Learning with litres of coffee, books full of laws and friends for examen again
made an alpahacourse with some people- great talks, and God does somehow always what he wants when i don´t expect him
Jesus really knows us- did you know that?
i learned and learning a lot,
...this is getting too long
...the summertravel review will come in parts the next weeks
...recommend it
It´s still golden autumn...was out on saturday with a friend of mine and her 6year old son and his friend, we just had this amazing great time
sitting at the river watching the sun go down,
climbing on statues,
running like crazy along the rhine through all the tourists crowds,
screaming at them that they won´t forget we are alive,
having the little boy on my shoulder,
teaching each other english, being exited about the rising moon and red leaves
hushling through the leaves, throwing them at each other, leaves...
these boys are so cool, they are simply alive- so we just had to join them
Part2: This is the longer one... somehow i feel like putting a short summaryof my last year in here- as far as possible- so thanks for your patience
So what happend?
Moved one year ago in this beautiful city at the rhine, smaller than dresden, but still cool
started to study- i´m loving it
Met hundreds of new people, being mostly the youngest one
putted big, black dots with my flatmate on our white kitchen cupboards
missed my friends,
high telephonebills,
loads of partying,
eating "Zwiebelkuchen" and drinking "Federweißer"
i have studymates who lived in Italy, Egypt, USA, UK...who wrote books full of poems, who play in bands, who are making movies, who are great jugglers, loving people - what a priviledge
watching the Switzerland and Dutch ships- deaming to make this big boat tour on the rhine to Rotterdam and further,
was on a great new years camp in Saxony with lots of young English, Dutch and German people
God moved and is moving ,
Having a heaters-fall-out in february - was about minus 13 degrees outside- felt like it inside as well,
Studied heavily with coat on for examen,
had a new haircut ,
had living commune parties with goat cheese, singing along to "Brown feather sparrow" and watching the sun rise ,
visitited a house where people with AIDS live-don´t know if i ever experienced so much Hope and Hopelessness next to each other,
Had an "narrative Interview" for study with a man who experienced homelessness twice...
Was in Holland in february for a training time and to meet people i love- discovered that gentleness is a fruit of the Holy spirit and not just a personality-thing
was on the Fred festival
realised how much more i could have loved and love in action the people i love, -why do we hold so often back in daily life? (...and the only thing, i´m sorry for is that i didn´t love you more...)
Thought about summer and the shetlandthing i felt i should go to- said to God i might need money for it- someone offered me three days later a job in a Pub, lot of other people applied for it, but he told me he didn´t like any of them and he thought i would fit in the pub- didn´t even know before that he knew my name... thank you God
prayed and refused to pray and prayed
Had cool seminars about adventuresports
Had hang outs at the rhine river
Camp with my Dresden church in Czech republic, hugging, dinking coffee and wine, sitting at bonfires getting lost on a trip to prag- (we didn´t wanted to use the highway cos it costs money- so we drove through all those not- on- the- map-villages all ending with -ice, the signing for the supermarkets were bigger than sign for direction- arrived after some hours of driving through Czech in the camp... )
Had a great talk with a turkish guy in a very cold winter night very late (i guess it was about 2) in a tiny kebap shop in dresden- telling me how he feels being turkish in Germany... people are so precious- why don´t we treat them like that?
Being messed up by all those theories, -needing conviction and revelation-
met a guy on a wednesday night on the streets who is totally excited about Jesus- told me that God had told him to leave everything and to experience the life of the people on the streets- to go to those recognised as being on the lowest stage ... a greek to the greeks, a "tramp" to the "tramps"- people are precious, again
learned to juggle- maybe not my greatest talent- i´m so bad at it
attended some finnish-lessons-> not very productive
working at parties having strange discussuions with drunk people explaining them like to little children why i won´t give them any more beer...
philosophing with friends: we need revolution, but making an revolution brings just new supression on the people who don´t agree-> result: we got to be the revolution
dancing walz at 4 o´clock in the morning
learned in uni how to film and to make some videowork
Had a Prostest week against the Introduction of Studyfees on our campus with tents and the funeral of Education
thinking about fairtrade, socialism, social work with rightwing youth- what would jesus think?
nice music
being with a french friend on day in Frankfurt visiting about 5 great museums, - japanese architecture is greatscary
had a cool talk with a fourty-year-old belgium guy in very bad Dutch - i see no generation gap
Learning with litres of coffee, books full of laws and friends for examen again
made an alpahacourse with some people- great talks, and God does somehow always what he wants when i don´t expect him
Jesus really knows us- did you know that?
i learned and learning a lot,
...this is getting too long
...the summertravel review will come in parts the next weeks
...recommend it
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
...
it´s golden autumn
we got so good weather here, it´s amazing
Germany has finally a new "Bundeskanzlerin" (someone like Tony Blair - but she is not the president). A woman, eastgerman and protestant - she´s everything whats "wrong"- one of my professors said, hope it was ironic.
was cycling home yesterday, stopped at the trafficlights and saw a camera, maybe it´s there to film if you keep the rules... i´m somehow scared of the increasing observation of people for the sake of security.
In Sweden i counted about 11 cameras in one bus, 11 IN ONE BUS! This is not only for security, this is also for counting pimples on your face...watch out for places to hide
going to enjoy this beautiful day
If there is any peace it will come through being, not knowing. -- Henry Miller
we got so good weather here, it´s amazing
Germany has finally a new "Bundeskanzlerin" (someone like Tony Blair - but she is not the president). A woman, eastgerman and protestant - she´s everything whats "wrong"- one of my professors said, hope it was ironic.
was cycling home yesterday, stopped at the trafficlights and saw a camera, maybe it´s there to film if you keep the rules... i´m somehow scared of the increasing observation of people for the sake of security.
In Sweden i counted about 11 cameras in one bus, 11 IN ONE BUS! This is not only for security, this is also for counting pimples on your face...watch out for places to hide
going to enjoy this beautiful day
If there is any peace it will come through being, not knowing. -- Henry Miller
Monday, October 10, 2005
the friday morning experince
hm... have you ever been on a friday morning after an exhausting pubtour with firstsemesterstudents and clubbing at 6 o´clock with a bunch of drunken friends in a really good restaurant with candles and good dishes eating delicious pizza with ruccola... had only water and nice juice that night but everything still appeared so surreal.
realised that i moved here one year and one week ago.
Had to make a decision on sunday to really "be" here.
Realised again that when i am here i´m also part of the body of christ in this city, if i like it or not. And i need the community of the family. I might not agree with everything, maybe i find hardly any people in church i really click with, maybe i´d like to have nicer worship, maybe. - but i´m here... i can choose friends, but i can´t choose family and i had to decide that as long as i´m here i´m going to be actively part of the family. I believe God never puts us somewhere without a reason. I´m not made to do "it" alone, i can´t just be an observer. It´s not only about having fun, living dreams and being build up, it´s also about being frustrated and annoyed, allowing people to get to know me and to speak into my life. I´m such a lover of my "great independence", but there is a danger of becoming a "slave" of it.
Maybe making yourself depended and accountable to the family in a balanced way is to work against that.
Thought something like that as well when i came here, but sometimes we have to make decisions again ...
I really wanna try
Will soon give a brief overview over the last year here... to let you know where it started,
and about my travels, too
soon- but not today...
realised that i moved here one year and one week ago.
Had to make a decision on sunday to really "be" here.
Realised again that when i am here i´m also part of the body of christ in this city, if i like it or not. And i need the community of the family. I might not agree with everything, maybe i find hardly any people in church i really click with, maybe i´d like to have nicer worship, maybe. - but i´m here... i can choose friends, but i can´t choose family and i had to decide that as long as i´m here i´m going to be actively part of the family. I believe God never puts us somewhere without a reason. I´m not made to do "it" alone, i can´t just be an observer. It´s not only about having fun, living dreams and being build up, it´s also about being frustrated and annoyed, allowing people to get to know me and to speak into my life. I´m such a lover of my "great independence", but there is a danger of becoming a "slave" of it.
Maybe making yourself depended and accountable to the family in a balanced way is to work against that.
Thought something like that as well when i came here, but sometimes we have to make decisions again ...
I really wanna try
Will soon give a brief overview over the last year here... to let you know where it started,
and about my travels, too
soon- but not today...
Thursday, October 06, 2005
still out of university...
last week the new exchange students arrived. ran with a crowd of Polish, Spanish, ...guys through the city to civil offices, banks etc.- thought that´s really a thing i enjoy doing.
Find it still not too easy to go back into my "oldlifesystem" like nothing has changed. But things have changed. So do i need new wineskins?
The great thing about travelling alone like i did this summer (more about this later) /being on pilgrimage is probably, that you are nearly out of your typical roles for a while. Not a student, not a daughter, not the flatmate, not the friend, not the leader, not the waitress- just the child of God. To find out who you are apart from all these structures. I heard once the saying (sorry, i don´t know who said that): "What you are in prayer on your knees before God, that´s what you really are." The question is what is left. I know, this might sound so pseudowhateverfindyour-selftripblabla
- but that doesn´t minimize the importance. Have to think and act about it more.
And you learn to trust God more. Sure, as a christian you say you trust God, and in a certain level you do. But i have a lot of trust in my flat, my monthly studentsloan, my job, ... and even on my travels i still had this huge backpack and my creditcard with saved money. But i felt like i experienced more things with God just because i had to trust him more. Jesus said take nothing with you. I don´t know if i would have the courage. Just imagine ...
- thanks erikka for your example
last week the new exchange students arrived. ran with a crowd of Polish, Spanish, ...guys through the city to civil offices, banks etc.- thought that´s really a thing i enjoy doing.
Find it still not too easy to go back into my "oldlifesystem" like nothing has changed. But things have changed. So do i need new wineskins?
The great thing about travelling alone like i did this summer (more about this later) /being on pilgrimage is probably, that you are nearly out of your typical roles for a while. Not a student, not a daughter, not the flatmate, not the friend, not the leader, not the waitress- just the child of God. To find out who you are apart from all these structures. I heard once the saying (sorry, i don´t know who said that): "What you are in prayer on your knees before God, that´s what you really are." The question is what is left. I know, this might sound so pseudowhateverfindyour-selftripblabla
- but that doesn´t minimize the importance. Have to think and act about it more.
And you learn to trust God more. Sure, as a christian you say you trust God, and in a certain level you do. But i have a lot of trust in my flat, my monthly studentsloan, my job, ... and even on my travels i still had this huge backpack and my creditcard with saved money. But i felt like i experienced more things with God just because i had to trust him more. Jesus said take nothing with you. I don´t know if i would have the courage. Just imagine ...
- thanks erikka for your example
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