shaping words

I recommend this article

'Africa is to be pitied, worshipped or dominated. 'Binyavanga Wainaina
How to write about Africa

A friend of mine always says: 'Language shapes reality.' I think this is very true.
This is quite a topic that really makes me mumble, also in my present work. How do I speak about the people I work with or work for and claim to care for? How do we represent people when we write about them, also to get money from potential givers to charity?

To be continued...

nomadic.better

My flatmate lies on my bed and sleeps while I blog and try to order the many papers on my desk. I feel like protecting her. I´m sad to leave. Just received my official Diploma today. Had to look for over 15 minutes in the new building for the office of our deacon. Suddenly, I felt old and a little melanchonic. Can´t even find rooms anymore. Desk is also filled with papers about new working contract in the south and contract for renting new room. Quite thankful everything worked out that quickly. Still wondering if that quick is that good. But looking forward to it.

Back in home country again.

Spend last weeks in home region and Netherlands. Meeting friends again, attending two weddings, meeting new few weeks old human beings. Birthday-parties. Talks about breast-feeding and pink-needs for girls. Saying good-bye to my brother going to the army. I tried preventing it. Hope you are all well.

That was fast.

I fought the water

3 years ago bought a bikini again
after haven't had any for years
slowly started to get used to open water again

I get pressure on my lungs and start to get nervous
when I have to cross a lake
but I did it to fight my fears
I can't really breathe while trying snorkelling
but a few weeks ago I managed to calm down and really enjoyed it
coastal line of Malta is so beautiful clear water and full of fishes

Last weekend we did it
discover scuba diving course
was panicking when training the skills under water
but we had to go through
yeah

In the last weeks...

I found myself standing on seatings of the airport
shouting out mostly arab names of over 90 people
trying to bring them in the order for the check in
on their way to France
I felt most happy in the middle of this chaotic buzzling of
too much luggage, goodbye tears, happy expectations and
children running around
----------------------------------------------------------

Soldiers opened the gate
we sit in containers
15 bunk beds each or more
some are sleeping
there is no air, no breeze, just heat
my body is covered with flies
like everybody else's
here you eat and sleep if you can
"we are living like animals, you now"
-----------------------------------------------------------

I found myself in the most fancy restaurant
sweaty, in harem trousers and worn out t-shirt
eating expensive saffron salmon
trying to follow embassy talks
and being a little insecure in how to use all this cuttlery
-----------------------------------------------------------

My friend and I hiked for hours
down the cliffs
and swam to a bay with natural clay
we covered ourselves
and dried on a stone
-----------------------------------------------------------

I listen to all these young people
"it's better to die than keep on living like this'"
safety and dignity is not the same
and we are left without hopeful answers

we have mainstreamed media
and bombarded the world with advertisment
so that everybody shall want
still we are left with surprise when
everybody seems to take the message seriously
-----------------------------------------------------------

everything is salty

things move slowly here.
I have to learn to be patient.
It´s hard when you have the long days and just want to go home. To calm down in the evenings.
And a but: often I can´t be patient on behalf of the people I am working with. Sometimes we have been patient far too long.

in my street loitering is prohibited

i love this one
nearly all dairy products in malta are
imported from Denmark or Germany

cows on german alps
speaking arabic














the maltese cross
everywhere















undertaker
coffin maker

end of june

too many changes

i´m currently dealing with the resettlement of about 100 migrants with protection to France
to tell those who have not been chosen to go "sorry, you are not on list" is extremely frustrating

have not met a single migrant who planned to come to Malta nor wants to stay here
most heard: "here i have safety, but I have no life"
so many young people, just spending the years in Libyan prisons or maltese detention, bodies wearing off by no adequate medical care, minds get crazy by just waiting, waiting for better times

"My girl friend bought me a pair of shoes...
This shoe has been used to cross Ivory Coast, Mali, Algeria, Lybia.
In the desert the police did not catch me, but i lost my shoes while i was running"
(comment under a painted picture from a shoe, drawing project initiated by MSF)

and i have the priviledge of learning so much here.
no easy solutions nor answers

i have been on a very good seminar about the current political discourse to externalise asylum procedures, eg. with the proposal to set up asylumseeking centres in Libya
the main transit country for migrants coming to Italy and Malta

problem: Libya has not signed the geneva convention, the UNHCR office there has no power
people are getting detained for just being migrants and tell horrible stories about it.
Libya at least in terms of Migrants seems to give a shit about human rights.
But yeah the EU pays money to Libya to get better in control of the immense trafficking in human beings going on.
It´s a big money machine

and Malta and Italy keep on breaking the international rule of non-refoulement
meaning sending boats back to libya without checking the asylum claims

it´s just disgusting, but i´m slowly not even shocked anymore

anyway its good to do something productive and hopefully being able to make a difference
happens so quickly that one does not see anymore the beauty while going to work in the morning
it is a beautiful place here, despite all the sick conditions and stories
and it´s good to be in contact with people being comitted to work for something better

strange days

last week i had an awesome evening with all my colleagues at ones flat,
seaview, great food, nice company, real holiday feeling
next day we got to know one of the people we care for died
after a bouncer at a nightclub punched him and made him fall
his skull broke

at the weekend my spanish flatmate and I visited some smaller villages
and hang out at some cliffs, it was very beautiful
in the evening I have been at an antiracist demonstration following the death of Suleiman

it´s disgusting to read all these comments in the online newspapers whenever the topic of migration turns up
Dublin II makes it easy for the states not being at the border
pointing fingers and not taking responsibility is also easy

Today i drove with the my colleague on the scooter over half the island
visiting different centres for the non-european migrants
in front of one centre there a huge old poster from the state employment agency
that used to be there "Do you want to live and work in Europe?"
inside people living in containers and tents 8-10 in each being hold from going to Europe

I have also been in detention camps
people here are kept up to 18 months in detention after arrival
the prisons in germany look better

40 people in a room or more
sometimes in tents
the outside area looks like birdcages
nobody has cared for some sunprotection

in the offices the military guards
and the stickers claiming
"God is love" and "God is merciful"
and outside all the trees are flurishing like crazy

buzz the bus

the buses here are love and hate together
they are beautifully painted, everything personal
with the icons of jesus and maria inside and the playboybunnies
and sticker saying "Love is GOD is love"
the door is always open, which sometimes leaves you in the fear of loosing your bag
considering the driving style some drivers here have...















sometimes the breaks are squeeking and and it takes quite a while until the bus stops...
lately i entered the bus, morning-
sleepy and there was just some loud baile-funk playing, yep. then its early a love story

also
we finally also kind of finished deep cleaning our flat, which i assume hasn´t been done for a long long time. Washing carpets, curtains, pillowcovers, rugs and blankets took some days, and the pollution soon will do its duty in blackening it again... anyway its nice to have some clean feeling for a while.

My head is full
I met some very interesting people
as it is
a very catholic gay activist
a christian arab women working in palestine at a norwegian human rights agency
I meet such super strong somali women every day

had some awesome sushi with my italian colleague and a georgian college from moscow office

the politics here sadden and upset me
"its disgusting, but I´m not shocked anymore" is what i hear in the office
more about that later
I so have to go to bed

on current situation of protection of data privacy in Germany...

looks

old beauty everywhere


the office, just different rooms around a courtyard



one of many balconies on my way to work


Valetta streets

fragments

when I travelled to Malta
I wasn´t asked to show my passport/ID- card
a single time
nobody wanted to see it
I travelled
to work with people
where a passport means everything
and who are controlled in extreme ways
concerning their identity

yesterday we woke up early in the morning
to go with some people to the airport
for resettlement in the States
"if you think about what these people went through:
growing up in war countries, some have been persecuted and tortured,
they have travelled a hard way, some have been in prison on their way to Europe in Libya
for years, crossed the mediterrean sea in small boats, have been in detention (which basicly means prison) in Malta for several months, sometimes seperated from their families, endured often long time of waiting for protection and their resettlement... it´s a wonder they are not mad"

"He really comes from a persecuted minority group, has endured torture and prison
has been for 5 years in prison in Libya, you know their families have to buy free from prison,
made his way to Malta, was in detention, though is was clear he would get a status of protection. Out he got hit by a car on the street, he is going to be disabled for the rest of his life"

Currently the European commission is discussing their strategies on redistributing refugees granted international protection among the EU and for setting up an asylum vetting centre in Libya
So far,- redistribution, yes- in my opinion the Dublin II convention totally has to be changed
Europe has a responsibility to give protection to people in need of it.

Human rights watch has recently critised the sending back of migrants to Libya as it is simply dangerous for them...

Here is an e-petition against migrant detention centres in Libya

Better vote for an EU strong on Human rights on 4th to 7th July...

online action

two online actions worth telling about:

German e-mail action to candidates for the European parliament to make them aware of the violation of human rights at the outer borders of Europe
http://www.proasyl.de/de/home/aktion-ihre-stimme-fuer-die-menschenrechte/

Humanitarian Aid is never a crime!
e-mail action to the italian minister of justice concerning the trial on cap anamur

update

it´s finally, finally, finally official!
the "miststück" (my final thesis) has found its way beautifully wrapped in black hard cover on the desk of my professors
what a way! It´s done!
the last weeks have been pretty busy
finishing thesis
lots going on in the commune
did visit my dear parents, brothers+ friends in hometown
just for two days

AND organising an 3 months internship in Malta at IOM
I´m so glad about this...
such a good opportunity to see whats going on on the outer borders of Europe
it kinda worked out on short notice
A turkish erasmus student is going to move into my room while I´m away
and i found a room in Malta in an international 4 persons living commune
rented out by the cutest japanese women

too much to realise right now
I arrived today
feels like being somewhere in northern africa
malti sounds so much like arab
and there are palm trees and all these sandstone houses
the buses are hilariously cheap and orange- yellow old british empire style
they drive with open doors, people are ringing an old bell via a string on the roof of the bus when they want to get off
good first impression of my italian, belgian, somalian, maltese colleagues
...more to come

no integration!

this country is so hilarious... and so badly racist

year long debates in the news and magazines
about the oh so bad migrants ('die pöhsen muslime') who isolate themselves from the majority of the society and develop parallel - communities and want to live in quarters by themselves where they undermine OUR oh so homogenic culture and seek to destroy US. THEY get out of OUR control...

We actually have nothing against THEM, but surely THEY should INTEGRATE themselves into OUR of society of fully organic Germans (Germs?), so called 'bio-Deutsche'.
THEIR kids are too many and surely too uneducated. This makes them CRIMINAL. It´s the parents fault that they are so uneducated, because they DON´T CARE and don´t teach them THE language, OUR language.

OOPS, and then the PISA- study showed that Germany is one of the countries with an educational system that discriminates pupils not being christian, white, middle-class most.
Hmmm...
of course WE want EVERYBODY to have the same chances.
Of course WE want that there are masses of kids "with turkish background" (this is what defines you) to enter the gymnasiums and high schools. And its a nice idea to mix up the "GHETTOS" with the young students and creative people.

BUT, when it actually happens that the 'foreigner kids' (ausländerkinder!) enter OUR high schools, then suddenly WE take our kids out of these schools and into private ones, because we don´t want OUR kids to play with the ASSI-KIDS.
And when, like currently in Hamburg, the city wants to enlarge primary schools from 4 to 6 years of learning together for beneficial learning for all kids, the gucci-parents start to protest, cos they want THEIR kids to be seperated and THEIR gymnasiums shall not loose prestige.
Yes THE MIGRANTS (THE OTHERS) isolate themselves because they take flats affordable from the wages of the kanak.jobs in the BAD quarters and this is BAD BEHAVIOUR.
But the people able to afford a variety of apartments, they of course don´t isolate themselves into the WHITE CLEAN GHETTOS because they ARE the society.

Just to ask the question again:
Who is not integrating?
Who is seperating?

Deconstruct racism, start with yourself.
Yes, and I tell it to myself.

the meat market

I´m so excited and glad!

just another example of the small world we live in...

i was just taking a look on the online gallery for photography
where some of my friends from this town are involved in,
and was checking up the news
which was that one of the members of this gallery, Kim Thue, is taking part
in a photoexhibition concerning human trafficking in Copenhagen

then i searched the net to find out some more about the event,
organised by quiet injustice, an initiative to end human trafficking.
not just that I´m super excited about the initiative to involve artist,
photographers and musicians and to plan events to make people more aware of the subject of human trafficking... but as I looked further on this page I realised that this is a new initiative
my friend Jessy Rae from Copenhagen started...

two years ago, I remember, a group of international students started doing some free documentary nights in CPH to raise awareness concerning different social or environmental topics.
One night we organised a dox-night concerning human trafficking,
it seemed to Jessy and me like a small thing we could do.
Now I´m so excited to see the work goes on with this topic embeded in her heart
and that people I know from a total different context are involved with it
and yes, also to see that a small thing i was able to help with years ago might have a bigger impact, than i/we would have thought at that time

jessy, you go girl

so on the 30th of april there is the meat market party and exhibition
to fight human trafficking
in the art rebels gallery in Copenhagen
be there if you are in town, maybe we´ll see each other
lets keep on raising awareness on this topic

april

three days ago 24 afghan children have been found in Rome
living in a sewer close to railway stations

same day around 50 afghan people were found suffocated to death in a container
on their way to Iran via Pakistan

in 2007 19164 people first time applied for asylum in Germany
62% of them are below the age of 25 years

and I wonder where you are now

we had the most awesome weather last week
I planted some mini-pumkins
and in our kitchen there´s a tomato-plant growing
I really have no clue where its from, I had no seeds
maybe once a tomato fell into the window pot
and now its battling with the rosemary

had a dear friend over last week
we just spend time walking along the rivers
and i realised again, man in what a beautiful area I live

it´s not to be understood

we also made a day-road trip to Luxembourg villè
it´s pretty beautiful and strange, build around an old fortress
a cracy quarter full of posh bank buildings and EU- instututions
and a restaurant in the midst called" the last supper"
we made sarcastic jokes about visiting the "financial crisis" in situ
we never knew which language to speak,
cause everything is written german, french and "letzeburgesch"
and with the languages it felt the cultures mixed as well
we embarrased ended up speaking english and little french
cos it feels so rude speaking german in foreign land

Had some awesome hot chocolate with honey and sea salt
...which made quite a good mix,
they also offered some hot white chocolate with banana and wasabi
man, i´m not so much into white chocolate
but i´d be definetely up for dark chocolate with wasabi

been thinking a lot about friendship the last weeks
its never enough, i never give enough
being mobile and having all the options
also means always missing out
on spending time with you when i should be there
maybe
how much should we invest
and how much do we always "understand"
an internship abroad seems more important than a
friends wedding...

off to spring

green, grün, grön, vert, verde, l´ü, groen

in the kitchen is a huge bag of green hay-tea
some kind of purifying stuff
it looks like horse food and nothing else
as we ask V how it tastes, she just answers: "Functional"

the trees are not exactly green yet, but we have a lot of expectations

we finally got a dishwasher, which is an awesome investion
for a 4+ person household
it´s 2nd hand and we actually got it cos the girls wrote a
very charming e-mail to a guy on ebay
to give us the machine for very few bugs
it´s an german AEG- eco something and has so many programmes
normal, quick and intensive and these 3 programmes also as "bio" (eco)
and then eco-special 50° and eco save 50°
eehm... I´m pretty excited

and: green searching
as you know one search on google needs a lot of electricity
so there are two new options to use google over a different website
www.znout.org
it stands for zero negative output and neutralizes the CO² emitted
by searching with bying certificates for renewable energy.
the same with www.forestle.org - the money from this website
goes to the nature conservancy who takes care for rainforests

_________________________________________________________________

and more news worth knowing (and that made me happy)

two danish guys invented a searching homepage
where refugees who were seperated from their families
can register anomynously and look for their family members
such a good thing

The ministers within the EU finally decided to take up 10´000
iraqi refugees which fled to Syria and Jordan.
Germany will take up 2500, mainly people who need medical care,
single moms, ethnic and religious minorities - people where the chance of
resettlement in Iraq is very low and who need special protection.
Finally a sign of showing responsibility.

komm unity

it´s the days when you are on a random lift
and people ask you what you do besides studying
then it appears to me: i have no "hobbies" no more
I work and travel
and I hang out with people

it´s the days when you come out of the shower
and one study mate is already over in the kitchen for some coffee
and it goes on like this until the evening
and one is wondering why one d0esn´t get the work done
I love it and it disturbs me
guess love and disturbance are good

My little brother was over visiting me
it was lovely, he is so cute and tall
and has a strong east german accent
he became so much more open the last years
and finally he came to visit me after years

one of the girls is going to leave us
she´s getting married
we had a strange living commune cast
it´s the weired days you invite people
to spend some time with them to find out if you want to live together
so now in april a guy is going to move in with us
he has seven bikes and a lot of humour
is a teacher for home economics and environmental protection
"the workflow in your kitchen is interrupted by this door"
punk music and butter cake
he seems to be a "angenehmer mensch"

random goodness

Netanya Lilia is born
this makes me glad

finally we offer fair trade coffee in the cafè i work

the nights are sleepness,- take pictures of it
the days are dizzy
but we will overcome winter

science is the enemy of language
and hosts beauty in the same time
current favourite terms:
"menschliche Verflechtungszusammenhänge"
"medienvermittelte Sinnlichkeit"
"inherently nomadic being"

memorandum

1982- 2009

far too early and unexpected, baby
nicht wahr haben wollen

I remember so much
how you laughed
the rhythm we developed living together
I loved the mornings, you coffeejunkie
sitting outside on the pathetic balcony
with the even more pathetic garden
we tried to plant with some stolen soil

the so long weekend-sit-ins in the kitchen
with classic radio and reading "Die Zeit"
ironic comments about our deformed stomaches
coming home from work and making some hamburgers
"Mit gaaaanz viel HACKKKK"

the kefir-productions and the fantasies about investing
in a kefir-factory for living- and you wanted to open a literature-cafe
(where we would sell kefir too, of course)
besides we would easily apply together for the job of the federal chancellor
we already had made some fitting pics for advertisement reasons
in the old trainstation hall

I loved how you were to have for all kinds of stupid ideas
we wanted to spray the dogshit of the port city golden
but there was only some red and green colour left
this did it too (a sausage is a sausage is a sausage...)

hanging out on the river beach
your perfect good-night-story-reading-voice
die Selbstverständlichkeiten
I never felt I had to be ashamed
vieles blieb ungesagt
stille Übereinstimmung

you made a lamp and a skirt
and asked us to get you out of the bathtub
in case you exaggerate it
Verschworenheit

You tought me drinking coffee
and bringing lilies home

so on friday
your band played some comforting Klezmer
your clarinette was missing
we threw lilies to you
water and sand from the river
and coffeebeans
as they buried you in the city
you never wanted to go back to


gratitude for the time we had together

Fight your inner Schweinehund!

The days go by
quickly
such inner resistance against writing
vs. days of super motivation

man, it´s so annoying to write this final thesis
being so confronted with yourself
my lack of discipline
reading again and again what I wrote and
thinkin it all sounds stupid

the thought of just hesitating is appealing at times
why not just staying in bed and home forever?
At the same time I know: Do not hesitate!
Gotta fight my fear,
the self-centeredness
and my inner schweinehund!

Maternal verstrahlt

ok

I thought being "megaexcited" for babies was a thing I lost when I was 17
or something like that
but
after having been bombed with babystuff, -talks,- onesies, beautiful girlish baby showers
(thank U Joce)
I pretty much was forced to at least read and think about babyissues too
cos they are about to invade my friendship world more than ever before
so fight "the baby-issue" (this is ironic!) or embrace it?

Yesterday little 2-week Marek gave me the honour of sleeping in
on my stomach with his face between my breasts,
slightly snoring
his little arms hanging down on both sides
grabbing my shirt every now and then during sleeping and dreaming
and goodness, he calmed me so down that I had to sleep in too
total dual knockout
he made me embrace

as one of my friends would put it:
"I don´t need drugs,
I get high on baby hugs".

and soon welcome Netanja!

SPERRMÜLL- Autonomous Nationalists!

Today I went to a information evening about the new "autonomous nationalists", some kind of nationalist subcultures/groups that seem to develop and spread more and more in Germany. Was quite good to get some update, - man, we have to be so aware what´s happening in this country. Found a newspaper-article here and one with some deeper insights here (disclaimer: this article is excellent, but from 2004- I don´t know about the rest of the HP)

The right wing/nationalist movements in Germany as in other countries are of course continuously changing,- the old stereotypes don´t suffice any longer. One of the most dangerous developments I understand took place the last years is that nationalist groups are trying to occupy political topics that "traditional" were not of so much importance to them, e.g. fighting a surveillance society, fighting capitalism, fighting for a better welfare system, promote socialism, environmental issues, etc. Yes, with these topics they might draw more people, and confuse the old black and white patterns of "left-wing" and "right- wing".
The actual mindset behind comes through more subliminal: being against capitalism as another coat of anti-semitism (being against "the capitalist Jew"), socialism as a national socialism which takes care for the "organic- germans" first, fighting the surveillance society because the rightwing scene is quite affected in their work by it... . It´s necessary to be aware of the "racist knowledge" (as Mark Terkessidis would call it) that is content in most of the good sounding slogans. Lets make it naked!

On the way home, informed, but never left with a good feeling- some happiness passed my way.
It was bulky waste time again. I love it. People put old furniture outside and you can take what you want. No need for IKEA. I got a small white sideboard and carried it home on my bike. My flatmates got totally excited, so we chose to make a little roadtrip in the middle of the night to check out some of the bulky waste along the streets. And this is what we brought home:



Totally intact, beautiful stuff. For zero bucks and with zero bugs (thanks for the comments:)+ less environmental pollution.
This made our night.

And I claim we even have some LASER SWORDS placed beside the mirror!