random goodness

Netanya Lilia is born
this makes me glad

finally we offer fair trade coffee in the cafè i work

the nights are sleepness,- take pictures of it
the days are dizzy
but we will overcome winter

science is the enemy of language
and hosts beauty in the same time
current favourite terms:
"menschliche Verflechtungszusammenhänge"
"medienvermittelte Sinnlichkeit"
"inherently nomadic being"

memorandum

1982- 2009

far too early and unexpected, baby
nicht wahr haben wollen

I remember so much
how you laughed
the rhythm we developed living together
I loved the mornings, you coffeejunkie
sitting outside on the pathetic balcony
with the even more pathetic garden
we tried to plant with some stolen soil

the so long weekend-sit-ins in the kitchen
with classic radio and reading "Die Zeit"
ironic comments about our deformed stomaches
coming home from work and making some hamburgers
"Mit gaaaanz viel HACKKKK"

the kefir-productions and the fantasies about investing
in a kefir-factory for living- and you wanted to open a literature-cafe
(where we would sell kefir too, of course)
besides we would easily apply together for the job of the federal chancellor
we already had made some fitting pics for advertisement reasons
in the old trainstation hall

I loved how you were to have for all kinds of stupid ideas
we wanted to spray the dogshit of the port city golden
but there was only some red and green colour left
this did it too (a sausage is a sausage is a sausage...)

hanging out on the river beach
your perfect good-night-story-reading-voice
die Selbstverständlichkeiten
I never felt I had to be ashamed
vieles blieb ungesagt
stille Übereinstimmung

you made a lamp and a skirt
and asked us to get you out of the bathtub
in case you exaggerate it
Verschworenheit

You tought me drinking coffee
and bringing lilies home

so on friday
your band played some comforting Klezmer
your clarinette was missing
we threw lilies to you
water and sand from the river
and coffeebeans
as they buried you in the city
you never wanted to go back to


gratitude for the time we had together

Fight your inner Schweinehund!

The days go by
quickly
such inner resistance against writing
vs. days of super motivation

man, it´s so annoying to write this final thesis
being so confronted with yourself
my lack of discipline
reading again and again what I wrote and
thinkin it all sounds stupid

the thought of just hesitating is appealing at times
why not just staying in bed and home forever?
At the same time I know: Do not hesitate!
Gotta fight my fear,
the self-centeredness
and my inner schweinehund!

Maternal verstrahlt

ok

I thought being "megaexcited" for babies was a thing I lost when I was 17
or something like that
but
after having been bombed with babystuff, -talks,- onesies, beautiful girlish baby showers
(thank U Joce)
I pretty much was forced to at least read and think about babyissues too
cos they are about to invade my friendship world more than ever before
so fight "the baby-issue" (this is ironic!) or embrace it?

Yesterday little 2-week Marek gave me the honour of sleeping in
on my stomach with his face between my breasts,
slightly snoring
his little arms hanging down on both sides
grabbing my shirt every now and then during sleeping and dreaming
and goodness, he calmed me so down that I had to sleep in too
total dual knockout
he made me embrace

as one of my friends would put it:
"I don´t need drugs,
I get high on baby hugs".

and soon welcome Netanja!

SPERRMÜLL- Autonomous Nationalists!

Today I went to a information evening about the new "autonomous nationalists", some kind of nationalist subcultures/groups that seem to develop and spread more and more in Germany. Was quite good to get some update, - man, we have to be so aware what´s happening in this country. Found a newspaper-article here and one with some deeper insights here (disclaimer: this article is excellent, but from 2004- I don´t know about the rest of the HP)

The right wing/nationalist movements in Germany as in other countries are of course continuously changing,- the old stereotypes don´t suffice any longer. One of the most dangerous developments I understand took place the last years is that nationalist groups are trying to occupy political topics that "traditional" were not of so much importance to them, e.g. fighting a surveillance society, fighting capitalism, fighting for a better welfare system, promote socialism, environmental issues, etc. Yes, with these topics they might draw more people, and confuse the old black and white patterns of "left-wing" and "right- wing".
The actual mindset behind comes through more subliminal: being against capitalism as another coat of anti-semitism (being against "the capitalist Jew"), socialism as a national socialism which takes care for the "organic- germans" first, fighting the surveillance society because the rightwing scene is quite affected in their work by it... . It´s necessary to be aware of the "racist knowledge" (as Mark Terkessidis would call it) that is content in most of the good sounding slogans. Lets make it naked!

On the way home, informed, but never left with a good feeling- some happiness passed my way.
It was bulky waste time again. I love it. People put old furniture outside and you can take what you want. No need for IKEA. I got a small white sideboard and carried it home on my bike. My flatmates got totally excited, so we chose to make a little roadtrip in the middle of the night to check out some of the bulky waste along the streets. And this is what we brought home:



Totally intact, beautiful stuff. For zero bucks and with zero bugs (thanks for the comments:)+ less environmental pollution.
This made our night.

And I claim we even have some LASER SWORDS placed beside the mirror!

zweitausend(N)ACHT: zweitausendNEU(n)

last saturday...


momma makes weihnachten
december is so hard to get in christmas mood as its usually
the busiest time studying and serving the tables
but we made an advent-calendar in our living commune
- a very nice german tradition: everyone of us bought some
little presents for the others and we hung them on a wall
so every day of december one of us can open a little present




i came home after, nicely cold and dark and empty flat
vivi wrote on the blackboard:
"2009: vulgär aber glücklich"
was soll man dazu noch sagen
Harald Martenstein: 2009; "I´ll kill that bitch!"

2008 was such a strange year
very slow, full of goodness life
still feels like I lost so much
jeg savner


but
i´m positive
also
cos I´m happy to announce Hope and Marek were born
babies make it all new

et, to

1 meritocracy
They tell me. The student magazines tell me. How to polish up ones CV. How to take care that there are no "holes". They all worked besides studying in some kind of relevant jobs. All the job offers seem to look for somebody else than me. Do I read enough newspaper? I´m afraid of assessment centers, yes I hate job interviews. I need time to become comfortable to show who I am and what I can. Somewhere out there there seems to be a strange group of elites who seem to be able to meet all the expectations, who seem to have the qualifications.
I know its bullshit. We are the people we have. And no one meets it all. But it seems to be the strategy of meritocracy. Always let people feel they are not enough, make them afraid of being dismissed. So we´ll adapt better, do more, learn more, strive to be better than anybody to have a second of safety. But true learning comes out of interest and curiousity and with the time needed.
- defrag my brain-

2 community
The girls. It´s so nice to be with them. To come home, to have common meals, to invite people. To know each other, so one starts to adapt a lot of ordinary daily actions, like setting a table how the other person likes it. To have night shifts together if one has to finish a paper. Yes, also being there when you don´t feel like.
And, its comfortable. So much that it also crazyly feels we have build up a world of our own in this city, made of work, uni, friendships, living commune. Spending less time with other friends. Being lazy to get to know new people. Not knowing what´s actually going on in the city.
People tell me they´ve been much more active, until they moved into a living commune which was really living community. Is this the dilemma of community living? Does it need explicit common purpose/goals/vision to not get stuck? Or is maybe the thought of needing something to achieve with community just meritocratic? Is being enough?

last autumndays

The last sunny autumndays have been overrun by snow
yeah, writing about weather always works

have been sitting in trains for some hours
yesterday early morning half asleep but eyes open
it has been so calming seeing the light moving
on all these snowy vinyards and small villages with castles

we were travelling to some conference presentingthe outcomes of our summerworkcamp to the people/organisation who have funded us
felt quite grown up

Last weekend we have been out having some wine at a local bar
nice sounding music from the cellar
the band situation leclerq still needed a sleeping place
I love to have people over
making coffee and waking up nearly strangers
just so

songs that struck me the last novemberdays
my body is a cage
that keeps me from dancing
with the one I love
but my mind holds the key (Arcade Fire)

allein, allein (Polarkreis 18)
aaahh video; band from place of belonging
Isn´t that Norway?

TREASURE HUNTING INSTEAD OF FAULT DIAGNOSTICS!
Schatzsuche statt Fehlerfahndung Eckhard Schiffer

october/november

Resa was over...thank you
sadly just for a short time, but good time ...double desserts and tea is good

body politics... see beneath

commune party... nothing as nice as being together with masses of people you like, dancing til morning, partying helps your non-existant cleaning schedule

starting final thesis... young refugees/ transnational/ education

all of my body rebells against cosmopolitan/Dein Arsch 2

Body politics and it´s impertinences, the 2nd:

("Achtung"=attention!/respect)to Penelope (1,5x 2m) by vivi

chair on italian women magazines by vivi

figures ...

all of my body rebells against cosmopolitan/ Dein Arsch 1

Body politics is still a topic in our commune
one action how we try to deal with daily cosmetical impertinences is:

Dislabel your products
and give them names you want them to have

dislabel your products Produkte ent-etikettieren
de-construct meaning Bedeutung dekonstruieren
de-frag your brain Gehirn defragmentieren

allowed- hair- nothing- else- shampoo

Exciting/tense skin body lotion

Ups and downs cellulite gel

Dat Kurze

today I´ve been with my friend at a ultra-sound- checkup
it gave me quite a good kick in my palm
I saw it´s heart beating
and the toes nearly in its mouth
"filled blatter", said the doctor
"its probably going to pee soon"

Rhine, don´t you do that to me!

the hours spend in the forests are not lost

It´s pumpkin time again.
Cutting whatever pumpkin in cubes
frying it quickly with some cubed onion
and thai red chilli paste (chillies, garlic, Galangal)
boiling it with some soy-sauce, coconut milk and water
mashing the soup
peanutbutter or ginger with itif we like it


Last weekend two of my former Danish studymates and
professors have been over
we had a seminar on social work in an age of globalisation
so nice to see them all again
and to discuss e.g. different integration-strategies for migrants in Europe
I remembered how I liked to study in Denmark
the time to read so much, to think and to discuss
not always produce, produce, produce papers as it is here
i finished my last procrastinal one
now ready for the final thesis


I liked Resas post to blog action day
there are a lot of small or bigger things we can do to minimize poverty

and keeping awareness

helping is powerful
in many ways

it also includes putting the helper in a powerful position
we help according to our own mindsets
to what we think is good

How do we actually know what poverty is?
Definitions are plenty,
one is that poverty is when you have less then ca. 45% (these numbers differ) of the average income of your country
another is that poverty is defined by not having enough to feed your body what it needs, etc. - this is what we most urgendly talk about: people dying from hunger.
It´s about inequality, the belief that every human life is precious, that we should have the same rights and chances making a good life. That we have responsibility to help each other when we are in need. (...)

Ulrich Beck, a german Sociologist wrote recently in "Die Zeit" that global social inequality actually becomes a (political) problem when morals or norms of equality spread. People born equal, are yet unequal according to national borders. National borders determine how we perceive social inequality. Social inequality becomes quickly a political problem within national borders,- but is stabilised at the same time (in the same thought)outside national borders. The system of inequality is legitimated by the achievement principle (Leistungprinzip) on the national level, and by the principle of the national state on the gobal level. (...)
Quite visible in our nowadays migration policitics. (A homepage where you can sign to stop the death trap at European borders.) And empire politics.


We need a stronger identification on the global than on the national level. Ironically financial crisis and climate desasters might help us with this.

Besides:
current music that strucks is Boxer from the national, brainy.

And we get more and more aware of the fact that "All our bodies rebell against cosmopolitan."

Bestandsaufnahme reloaded

(Manchmal, wenn man nachts nicht schlafen kann, schreibt es einfach nieder. Schon Wochen her. Und wenn man wieder nachts nicht schlafen kann, denkt man sich, man könne ja mal seine Umwelt mit diversen aufgeschriebenen Gedankenströmen belästigen, die man vielleicht später als halblöden Generationblablabla-wahnsinn abtun wird:)

Ich habe mich überwunden. Brav nochmal die Hochzeitshomepage meiner Freunde durchgeschaut, mich nochmal über die immense Geschenkeliste geärgert und den Toaster und Wasserkocher reserviert + bei Amazon bestellt. Brav die Bewertungen durchgelesen, in der Hoffnung, dass es ok ist, meinen Freunden einen Wasserkocher zu schenken, der nur 3 von 5 Sternen hat und nicht 5 von 5. (Diktat des Konsumenten.)
Es stößt mich schon ab.
Ich versuche es zu verstehen. Und doch ist es gegen mich. Der Gedanke an Hunderte von Toastern weltweit, die niemand braucht, und alle wollen neues. Ich mag unser Sammelsorium an alten und neuen Sachen hier, Geschenke, vom Flohmarkt, WG-nachlässe und von Leuten abgestaubt, die´s nicht mehr brauchen.

Heiraten und bumm ist alles da. Solls das sein?
Ich weiß, ich übertreibe.


Lied nr. 7 von der "The shins" CD isses grade voll.

Ich habe heute unsere Gewürze sortiert; schönere Behälter, langsamer Mononatriumglutamatausstieg. Fertigdressings und Knorr-Würzmischungen,- ich kann sie nicht mehr ertragen. UND ich brauche saubere Arbeitsflächen!

V. probt für ihr Vorsprechen. Ihr Zimmer ist "ein einziger Gedankenfluss". Auf riesigen Papierbögen steht in dicker Eddingschrift die Geschichte einer Vergewaltigung geschrieben. Die Wände sind damit tapeziert.
V.:"Meine Gefühle sind verschwunden. Die sind weg. Ausgekackt."
"Ich möchte keine Emotionen spielen, sondern hervorrufen."
Auch ich habe keine Gefühle mehr dazu. Das Stück ist schnell gelesen.
Was bilden wir europäische behütete Frauen uns eigentlich ein, das noch an die große Glocke zu hängen, wo es so sehr Lebensrealität von Frauen in der ganzen Welt ist?!?
Ist meine Vergewaltigung schlimmer als die einer Frau im Kongo?

Im Text heißt es: "Sie spreizen meine Beine. Ich habe Hosen an. Warum spreizen sie meine Beine, wenn ich Hosen an habe? Das ist schlimmer, als wenn ich nackt wäre."
Wir haben es nicht verstanden.

Werde ich jemals wieder in der Lage sein, wissenschaftlich zu schreiben?
Werde ich jemals wieder die Leute in meinem Herzen in meinem Herzen behalten können, präsent?

Wir haben ein Brett mit unseren Namen zum "benutzte Gläser" abstellen gebaut. Eine Maßnahme zur Vermeidung von Mega- Abwasch. Unsere Namen, die Namen der Love-Freunde und Fragezeichen. Man weiß ja nie. Wir sind so scheiße offen.

"...,manches war schwer auszusprechen, die Tage wurden zunehmend fremder,..."
(aus der Weltensammler, Ilija Trojanow)

rebellas and so forth

read an interesting article about machsomwatch.org
an organisation of israelian women who volunteer watching the checkpoints
and reporting on their homepage what they see

One conclusion of the interviewed volunteers:
„Über der ganzen Bedrohung durch Terrorismus verlieren wir unsere Moral.“
("Over all this threats of terrorism we loose our morals".)
So true for a lot of stuff going on in the "western world" nowadays.

I like this idea, keeping an eye on the things your government and the executives are doing, especially those actions you disagree with.
Guess in Germany we should do that more concerning the war in Afghanistan,
requiring more accountability from our politicians.
man, we all so forgot about it, not even recognising anymore when the parliament quickly passes bills about sending out more soldiers and so forth,- as it happened this summer without big public discussions. The question is left how to do that best.

Another interesting project pro asyl and some welfare organisations in Germany recently started is the "save- me - campaign" where they want to motivate citizens to plead and inform in their cities for a willingness to take up a certain "contingent" of refugees per year more than already. The contingent should consist of refugees having a refugee status under the geneva-convention and whose need for protection is declared as very immediate by the UNHCR.
Background to this campaign is also, that Germany due to the Dublin II convention takes up very few refugees who need help as so few people even make it to enter the borders.
Yep, thats about responsibility...

besides that it´s already far too late again

current favourite term: "nationalstaatliche Vergemeinschaftungszumutungen" (Hormel/Scherr, 2004) / "national collectivisation impertinences"

favourites for working times and being alone, still
Erol Alkan- Mix hot chip boy from school
Beyond the wizards sleeves - Remix Midlake-Roscoe

life is not a ponyfarm

last friday it happened
we had the big DK-re-uinon
our doorbell rang and i just heard some voices singing
a very funny german "Schlager"
My beloved former spanish flatmates and a friend of them came to visit
and oh surprise also larsi-parsi- the dutch one joined

it was so exciting and beautiful to see them all again
to recognise all these small things again which we got to know
from sharing our lives for half a year

how they eat their bread, how they wake up, how one covers his toothbrush always wish some tissues, they way they express themselves
and these awesome questions (during visiting our city): "Two rivers? Why?"
we played Koehandel, like in old times
I love all these details
we went to the vinyards eating the most juicy and sweet grapes ever
small roadtripping in Germany and to Holland



and, of course we went out a lot
the first evening all 4 put on these overalls in pink, green, red and blue. People in the city and club started talking to them,- it´s so easy to astonish people and make them smile.


And sure the last after them leaving days I´ve been sad.
Missing people sucks. And sometimes realizing that things aren´t the same as they used to be.
But yes, good times come to an end. Other good times come.

Anyway
it really feels like summer is over
time to start working and getting in some rythm again
to meet with the friends that came back from all over
and to have some onioncake and "federweißer" (young wine)
together

(Pictures by Ricky)

harvest

so
the experiment of planting something on our iny balcony was fun
we really have some great red hot peppers, and the squash- plant had lots of nice flowers, and gave birth to one fruit which actually looks like a pumpkin and is pretty hard- I´ll guess, we´ll taste it and decide then what we think it might be most. we proudly present:




Yesterday night i found a good board on the street, I brought it with home to see if I can build something "kitchen working space" with it- we sawed it, covered it with adhesive book-foil and put in a grand-mommy- style some fabric to it



I really like the experiment to try building just with things we find or we already have at home, Re-use!

what also happened
I´ve been lately on a concert of the Band efterklang
I haven´t heard music like that for a while
8 people, all playing different instruments and all singing , partly like a choir, man it´s been beautiful

and
what i lately like to watch on youtube is memri TV
its the middle -east-research institute who subtiteles sequences of arab TV
it´s so interesting to see some of the talkshows where e.g. the hijab is discussed
the good thing i see about it is, that it broadens our picture of the arab world
its shows the different people, opinions, the discourses taking place=> against the mono-picture a lot of western media try to paint of the arab and muslim world.
Though I lately read that memri mostly translates the sequences which show muslims in a negative light, so surely one has to be aware what kind of picture it paints. But as I´m not able to understand Arab, its a good opportunity for me to understand at least something and it´s interesting to follow a lot of the discussions from women on their own rights.

Sammelsorium

it's kind of shocking how quickly the days come sun sets around 8 pm.
the days just float by, working and not managing to write a paper i wanted to write
-actually i don't want to write, which might be the reason i don't get to write it

Besides that there is always time having good food with friends
which might sometimes leave the "guilty" feeling of being lazy
but in the end I guess i'm glad about the days i rather spent with friends
than with my dear laptop

currently I'm residing in my beloved city DD
and went with my dear pregnant friend Joce shopping,
one of the good things about current fashion which we like is that pregnancy-bellies fit under nice bubbly dresses which are also wearable in daily non-pregnant-life, - this is one aspect what i understand by the concept of "sustainability".
we found quite some stuff which definitely gets the certificate of being a nice "prego".
during shopping we saw masses of girls/"young women" being pregnant or young dads carrying really small babies in scarfs on their bodies. A friend of mine commented on this; people just move to this part of the city to get babies.
Yes it can feel strange to have a flat tammy.

besides that I happen to be at one wedding after the other
which is nice and strange
its those lazy summer evenings, when you wander tired through the streets of a home town
it turns me all quiet, and things are hard to realise
but it's nice to dance with my shiny beautiful bridal friends.

home is people

the time has been intense
somehow people all over the world seem to be able to play basketball, soccer or chess
we always found something to do together

and they told us how the Yesidis get under a series of violence attacks in Iraq
a year ago on the 14th of August 2007 the villages El Khatanijah and El Adnanijah got attacked by suicide bombings
over 500 people died

we lit some candles for his killed brother and friends
they wanted us to know about it
and I realised I had never even really heard of this religious group
has it been big in the media, as it should be?

and the young guys from Iran who don´t see any future for themselves
there
and so many more stories

and easy times with painting the walls and lots of laughing


It was soo nice to come home after this time
having a real bed and shower
and big windows
its so beautiful here

vivi wrote on the blackbord in our flat for us:
"mein zuhause kommt nach hause"
(my home is coming home)
yes

it´s just pure happiness

as we painted altogether this huge paper
the small kids with green hands
lots of hearts with arabic names in it
"love russia"
and
"love for all, hatred for none"
yes, it sounds hippie and we don´t care

big handclapping when we hang it up in the café of the
asylum seekers centre

the men from syria started to sing so beautifully in the night
and we gathered all around dancing and clapping
man, how i loved it

the girl from the states has spend the whole evening talking to the old lady who recently fled from Iraq, it seemed to be good for both

the russian workcamp participants hanging out a lot with the young people from tschetschenia,

and we are just standing here and it feels like a dream coming true
I feel at place in the middle of all these amazing people,
and it seems like the majority has this experience too

"when you guys are here, i don´t care about what has happened in the past
and don´t worry about the future, I just live in this moment"
i just feel gratitude, that we can give each other these moments

week two to go

the summers

suomi has been nice
very light, relaxing and foody
some strange people let me pick tons of strawberries on their field for little money as i asked them
the countryside has been full of violet flowers
and a kid asked on the airplane: "mama, why are there so many trees here? And why is it all needle tress?" (Are there short answers for that?)
(Mama, where do seeds come from? From bread!)

Saw the crazy anime.freak finnish teenagers on streets,
met an philipine nanny,
a small boy speaking finnish and french asking me why i´m not able to do the same, i said: well i never learned, he kept on asking me why and finally you end up really asking yourself: yes, why the heck did they not teach us all the languages in the world...

back in saksa
today: start of the workcamp
there they are all downstairs now
we all try to communicate somehow
the taiwanese guy with excellent english watched how we make our slices of breads to do so himself
I have never seen anybody washing apples that carefully.
The quiet russians, the extroverted spanish girls ("I am desaster"), the so US girl, and an always smiling swiss boy
loking forward to what the next weeks will bring

we watched this documentary tonight about sexual violence on women and girls in the democratic republic of congo (former zaire).

there are no words for this.

The bodies of women and girls always have been battlefields in wars,
cos with destroying women, nobody wants to marry them, nobody takes care of the farming,
the kids get traumatized- it´s in fact a very effective way of destroying a whole community and society.
They have hospitals where women can get medical help, they can only take "the hard cases" as there are so many who have suffered and still suffering sexual violence. After the hospital they have to send the women back home, again in danger:
"there is no where we can go"

The leader of the hospital said; if the international society knows of this, the UN, and all kinds of media have written about this dramatic situation, how can it just stay like that?
Everybody knows about it, and nothing changes.

This is where we sit again, f* don´t know what to say or do
this is a homepage giving some information about, there is also a petition to sign

in the meantime it just feels so fake thinking about a current discussion about a phenomena called "new feminism" taking place in Germany
it started with some books called "alphagirls", etc.
the main threads seemed to be like:
- the twenty/thirty-something girls woke up and realised, hey we don´t feel unequal treated anymore, but there are much more subtile structures of discrimination nowadays- find out about and act against
- old feminist stuff is not hip- Alice Schwarzer (one of THE feminist icons of Germany) is out and not up to date; the new feminists want it to be fun, be sexy (porn is ok) and still want to claim equality
- how the heck to put having kids, drinking caffe latte with friends and making career in a 24 hour day, (and to look good in the same time)
-...
Important points so far:
Read two critisisms of this "movement" lately:
1: feminism light: the autor claims the new feminsim is kind of wannabe
- it stays just wannabe-provocative in the sex-corner
- or gets caught by the "nice girl trap" (girl still want men to approve them- so they bring on appealing behaviour again, as they have learned and always done it)

2. Mely Kiyak critisises the new feminism as far away from reality
and just a debate from christian, white, middle-class women who think about which kindergarden is best or if parental leave fits together with their life plans
forgetting that there is quite big group of women in the country who are not eben able to ask those questions as they only fight for enough money to live, being allowed to go studying, or getting out of violent relationships.
priviledged women write about feminism, without taking the battle especially of migrant women into consideration, which is often also a battle of class and ethnicity than just gender.

in the new we-women-feeling, those were left out who were not considered as "we" anyway?

i´m off to suomi

now

the other afternoon
´ve been sitting with a friend on my cosy couch trying to finish some papers
we just all had some nice summer lunch
cooked potatoes, "quark", fresh vegetables and some smoked salmon
love it
with six girls
like nearly every day

thought about how much it has become a lifestyle of us
to work, eat, shop, go running,... together

and how it can be so home, ordinary, yet special
but also hard, sometimes, to allow people being close to you

we´ve been some days in beautiful france, bourgogne
small car, small house in the mountains, some girls, good food
loads of garlic and wine
no make-up and being as loud as we want to
yes, good days

got a new link: zimmer 117 is a group of photographers
from this city and the capital
some are friends
all are talented indeed

´ve been a weekend in northern Germany
meeting my old living commune from HH
and dear friends Resa and Krister on their trip
round the baltic sea, - nice and chill time
also great to get to know the 24-7-community there
so hospitable
it´s been really interesting to hear about their plans...

on the trip back i went with a guy
who drove 250 on the highway (yes i like that)
and teached me about all the mistakes other car-drivers
do- feel much more smart now

back here
got a really bad cold, have no clue where from
and it really sucks as i have so much stuff to do:(
anyway, hope it will get better soon
and i also hope i soon will start studying effectively again:)

running

we did it... 21 kilometers 2 h 06min
ca. 2500 people
super adrenalin kick

planting

planted some more herbs, flowers, chillies and zucchini today
small balcony, - will see if it gets enough sun to grow
planting makes the day to a productive one

some friends and i spent the weekend at a wonderful
organic little farm a living commune keeps together,
really like those places where you can feel some people came together to
make a life thats meaningful to them ...


we had there some training for organizing and leading workcamps
if you are interested in taking part in the work camp
you can email me and i give you more information :)
(taking place between the 2nd and 16th of August in Germany
Topic: seeking asylum- unknown neighbors
for taking part you need to be between 18 and 26 years old
- a workcamp means living together with an international groups
for some weeks and doing some meaningful work-)

may...

had some interesting days with mongolian youthworkers
i wrote their names on my hand to be able to remember them
beautiful language
sounds like a mixture of finish and icelandic i thought
super nice people, and cool humour
we talked about the current challenges for young people in mongolia
an new increasing problem trafficking seems to be, to China, Hong Kong and Taiwan

would be interesting to visit this country one day

read recently in some of those blogs
http://blogsbyiranians.com/
Iran has a really active blogging scene, which is quite engaged and respectless

" Here i am again,after a rather long time i feel i can write again.Tehran is so hot. 42c today and will be 44 tomorrow. i cant stand my clothes, this nasty hijab bothers me everyday and every minute and every moment of the day! hurts my body and my soul. but it doesnt keep me from being active, im not dead tired yet.i go to work everyday, while my male colleagues wear cool Tshirts, i have to stand my heavy warm dark long clothes. i also dont forget to wear my mask, a kind of behaviour mask, showing yourself what you really are not! the first thing you learn in iran is how to "Pretend!". its more essential for life than water is! you choose a kind of role that keeps you safe. like the one i chose, a calm serious girl who doesnt think of anything but her work, someone who obeys well with a very simple routine life! and god! how much i hate telling lie! its so difficult to play the role you are not! little by little, you find out that all other people around you are wearing masks too, and you see eachother everyday and work in the same place but never have the chance of knowing eachother truly. the hope for finding real friends is lost for ever. life is so artificial. no smell, no color, no beauty." by http://iranian-girl.blogspot.com/ (from July 16th 2005)

lazy afternoon with taggging "the notwist" in the last fm-radio
so good to have the girls here
so freeing to scream around harsh songlyrics together in the eves
when its necessary

anybody going to Roskilde festival?

sun is coming
yippie yay

had the other weekend some kind of "arty-party" in our house
was so nice
loads of people
dancefloor in the kitchen
with drum´n´bass and Balkan music
photoexhibition
collective painting in one room
a friend did some readings from his writings in the other
a sticker action
videos
making origami out of EKG-paper
flashed with happiness

currently we are about to organize a seminar on
"challenges in international social work"
the participants are from Luxemburg and Mongolia
if thats not exotic... :)

have to write a paper about an
interesting aspect of elementary education
found somewhere in Europe
could also be concerning older kids...
Any ideas?

productivity

a phase of (in my opinion) extreme unproductivity hopefully slowly seems to end
we declared the word "productivity" to the "un-word" of our living commune
scientist might call this lazyness "procrastination"

BUT

there´s a great song of the german band Tocotronic
" ...ja ich habe heute nichts gemacht,
ja meine Arbeit ist vollbracht,
ich atme nur
ich atme nur..."

("...yes i´ve done nothing today,
yes my work is completed
i just breathe,
i just breathe...")

it´s fun to be on parties trying to smalltalk without the question
"And what are you doing?"
Good alternatives:
Have you already eaten today?
Any siblings?
How did you get to know each other?

I´m a feminist

last saturday was womens day

the news remembered:
in europe Statistics show that for women between 16 and 44 years of age, domestic violence is thought to be the major cause of death and invalidity, ahead of cancer, road accidents and even war.

hellloooooooooo?
this basicly means: home (and a love relationship) is the most dangerous place where a women can be...
isn´t that shocking

besides:
statistics show that in Germany women still earn 25% less then men, though they are better educated, have better qualifications then men and so forth,
I´m not talking about the issue of women having more part time jobs and men being more often in the leading offices, NO!
Its usual that a women with the same qualification and experince as a man, having the exact same job, tasks, role and position, yes in the same company!- often get up to 500 or 600€ less payment than men. And women simply get offered less payment already at job interviews than men, just because. Because why?
People see reasons for this in the old role picture, the image that women only need to earn supplementary payment, ect. And companies use women to simply not to have that many staff expenses i guess.

YES, its time for a new feminism. With this I don´t mean women trying to be like men, anti-men thinking or stuff like that.
According to the Encyclopedia Britannica feminism is simply the belief in the social, economic, and political equality of the sexes. So hard?
Equality is actually not enough, we need the same appreciation and acknowledgement for women than for men. And we need more male feminists, this is not just a cause for women to fight for themselves. We need protection.

And especially "the christian world" has to take a very clear stand in that. To long violence was not discussed, feminism was seen as "bad", and unjust actions were tolerated under the belief that women should submit to men. Come on! Submission is a different discussion. This is about equal treatment, and basicly the right to live.

...

sina mina

times have been lazy but intense
had some great days in Denmark
so nice to meet again with friends there

so nice to bike around in the city
with radioheads in rainbows in my ears
to speak Danish
another unforgettable tjilipop night
thanks

but the atmosphere on the streets was kind of strange some days
there were some new demos and small riots going on because
the moslem population felt offended by the newspapers reprinting the muhammed-caricatures
of Kurt Westergaard, and there was also this case going on with two man who got arrested for planning to kill Kurt Westergaard, big issue cos on according to the danish anti-terror act they can just be deported without a court hearing.
People, please don´t lets damage our constitutional states by the fear of terror
was just so sad to feel all this negative tension on the street
and there seems no easy way out of it...

besides
fighting with writing papers
cut myself a fringe/bangs (in German "pony")
quote of the week (my flatmate to me) "tabea, you are my private life!"
i also had my dear friend Jocelyn and her husband over for some days
so nice to have some time with them, (i recognise a certain tendency that i don´t get visits from just my friends anymore but them as a couple...)
we jumped around on our huge fortress (you know the difference between a fortress, a fort, a castle and a "burg"?)

Compliment of the week (which my flatmate got on a party): "everybody here just sucks, except of you!"
We should make more compliments to each other...

...

lectures are over and i am, too
since i started to relax some days
it feels like i can´t put myself to any kind of work anymore
sucks!
also all my flatmates left me that weekend, you can´t do that to me
it turns me to a total weirdo trampy girl

its "rosenmontag" and all the annoying carnival stuff is going on
I should really get out of here soon...

suomi or how to put 1/1000 of ones daily thoughts in one blogentry

last week i came back from some days in suomi
skipped some days of uni
it was so dark (for me at least) - so those days were a lot of rest
spend some God days on a turku island
tilsammens of 24-7 scandinavia


some reflections...
i felt pretty unprepared this time
and not like i could contribute something
(blabla)
Gods presence was there and it was so good to hear whats going on in the different countries
and yes this time there were some Danes and it was so nice to speak some Danish again with the dry Danish humour as well as hearing new stories

and Iceland/Isisland you kick me off
watch the sigur ros video "heima"
Yes God puts facettes of his whoaaa beauty in different places and people
and the simple sentence "it was beautiful" can mean so much more than usual if an icelandic person is saying it
yes and it feels so right to have those gentle, introverted americans going there
peacefully without having everything planned or managed, takk
i´m excited to hear the news

there was also some prayer about the hospitality of scandinavia which really spoke to me
I thought of those countries like sweden that have taken up so many refugees in history
but it doesnt seem like european policies as well as other current
developments do encourage that...
i believe there is a big responsibility on our countries to be places of refuge

Had also some more days in Helsinki with awesome Laura, Tytti and Milka
the girls gave me such a blast of goodness
we just had loads of sleep, food, laughter, and a beautiful walk on this
on island (suomalainen?) sooooo nice
and the girls even gave me a roadtrip to tampere (thanks to karoliina)
so early in the morning, thats true sacrifice

so I´m at my desk again
worrying about some elections tomorrow
in hessia
the christian- conservatives must not win!
they created so much bad populism around
young migrants,- its just so shameful ...
i so hope they won´t get a sign that they can suceed with this kind of policy

these processes are scary
daily racism in policy you can see
rising up in different countries of europe again
arghh, it makes me throw up
lets be aware of these processes

anyway, nice weekend to you.
my flatmates are so loud.
our new favourite word is:
"erkenntnisresistente Kackbratze!".
AND we will have a curry gathering tonight!

new year and stuff like that

2007...
it has been such an ambivalent beast
guess i never worked that hard- and felt like being so lazy at the same time, travelled so much, doubted so much, got amazed so many times,
felt so grown up and small again, bought my first pumps (which i see for myself as some kind of outer indicator in the process filled with hope of becoming a lady ...somewhen)
have been in about 22 different cities/places, residing in 2 countries
moved 3 times
those pathetic numbers cannot show what happened inside me anyway
quite a lot of things still seem unclear
left to say is i´m so thankful
takk

update needed

the last weeks
feels like i´ve never read, written and presented that much before
but i love my studies
and it´s also amazing to find out how long one is able to concentrate
this will go on until february i guess

have had the priviledge of taking part in a evaluationweekend
of refugee-work-camps somewhere in Frankfurt
was so good to speak a whole weekend English again
makes me happy immediately

was in beautiful strasbourg for a day
visiting a session of the european parliament
about extremism in Europe
really interesting
and unbelivable that those parties don´t invite experts in exremism studies
but rather argue about their own opinions what the reasons for extremism might be

slowly starting to realise that its christmas time
I still don´t really know what to do with this:)
Maybe its only nice for some people:
children, grannies who love baking, people who like to hang in cafes
but not for waitresses and shop assistants

I´m going to move next month
ina really cool old non-renovated flat (yes)
where some of my mates already live
the wallpapers are still original 70´s

i miss, miss, miss, miss
Denmark, Denmark, Denmark,
and a whole lot of friends

happy next week

November

time is too busy right now
so much stuff to do for uni
and i can´t say no to all the other interesting things

I tried making a "kladdkaka" (the most wonderful chocolatecake in the world-from sweden)
it didn´t turn out that nice. Does anybody have a "functions always"-recipe?

was at a lecture about capitalism -critisism, was so good
hopefully more about it later.

The EU plans to introduce a common asylum-practice
until 2010,- so these days a lot of decisions are being made concerning this issue
lets stay tuned on http://www.no-fortress-europe.eu/showPage.jsp
- there are also petition you can sign
because i don´t want the European Union doing inhuman refugee and asylumpolitics in my name!

they lately found an american bomb from the 2nd ww in the city center
thousands of people were evacuated
i happened to go through the city center short after
what a ghost city

there are 1,2mio working poor in germany
those are people who work fulltime but have to get extra benefits as
their job doesn´t pay their living expenses

it´s been very rainy the last days

newest projects:
we started learning turkish
and registered for the half-marathon in June
hope we will make it:)

transnationalism produces hybrid identities

live and live and live

studying totally got me again,
and i´m so thankful for my studymates
we live nearby, eat together and give hugs when the down-days come
and go running along the rivers

was lately in dear Holland to visit my DK-flatmate larsi-parsi
they prohibited mushrooms in that country 3 weeks ago
(after some people thought they could fly and jumped off buildings)

Germans who sit in cafes all eating and drinking at one table in large groups
and letting the waitress count the exact amount of what they had at 1 in the night
become more and more strange to me

i´ve been at a great wedding, went there with a young soldier who is a DJ for house music and went to play somewhere in Switzerland
he was rude, at first i was speechless, then amused or a bit sad
we talked how his experiences in Afghanistan have made him hard.
always keeping a distance to people
and that politicans in a parliament decide to take part in the afghanistan war and you stand there having to decide if you kill that child with a gun before it kills you

my friend got married to a divorced man with 2 kids
they were so happy, people were dancing to electronic music half the night
and his ex-wife was there dancing and smiling too
I was so impressed

i´m really back in Germany
but still arriving
moved into a little room in a 5 girls living commune
will see how that is working out

got a new job in a cozy cafe, yep

the last days have been filled with meeting with all my dear
returned studymates,
coffee, wine, tea and dinners for hours and loads of stories
it would have been really hard to come back without them
I´m really glad to have the "gang" here and that we will do this last year or more together
and they distract me
i miss Denmark and the people there, of course

met another friend of mine here, who was "accidentially" at the same farm in Portugal i´ve been this summer,- i love those random things

and i have to pay back some studygrants i got for Denmark, because i earned too much money, which i had to earn because i didn´t get enough grants,- is this logical?...anyway, glad for having statesupport

got some interesting lectures like peace-pedagogics and sociology of migration,
looking forward to that...

life goes on
was back in my studytown for a few day looking for a new job and living-commune
i don´t like living- commune- casting, we don´t know which questions to ask
what you wear can qualify or disqualify you
and maybe the colour of the kitchen wall is not your thing

but in fact I´m glad that so many people in Germany want to share lifes
figured its not that ususal in other countries
already in my studytown about 150 living communes look for new flatmates

but right now its time for "hometown", some brother-hugs, moms plum-pie, and just hanging out with old friends

you can go to www.avaaz.org to sign some petitions concerning the situation in Darfur and Iraq

Schweden, Dänemark, Deutschland - ich weiß ja gar nicht wohin

listening to some German music
"... aber hier leben, nein danke..."
(...but to live here, no thank you...)
from THE german band tocotronic
i figured how long i haven´t listenened to german music
and how so many bands write that poetic and play in this way
that it really expresses the "Lebensgefühl" here

spent some easy and nice days in stockholm with resa and krister
gardening is a nice thing, windowshopping as well (sometimes)
went also biking on aaland for a day, but it was just so rainy

got to know a girl from burundi on the night bus
some last coffee with my dear dk-friends
and i took my stuff and left
can´t comprehend the moving, it still feels like travelling

spending some days now with my ex-livingcommune
like we used to, have to post some picture of this tiny wonderful flat

the kitchen, mini-garden (we have to plant more everywhere we live!)
and the profiles of our stomaches in the bathroom...

strange to hear german all around me again,
how different people express themselves







and some pics of my first stancel (?)...
it was a copy from a recordcover, i have to admit

love.leave

last working day
yes i got a bit tired of being a waitress the last weeks
but i can be thankful for having a job anyways,

just added the blogs of 3 of my dear girly friends
who i got to know here
helena, jo and jessy i appreciate you a lot
so much tea and coffee together the last days
this is a long goodbye process

made the night through in Malmø with a friend the other day
free festival, slagsmålsklubben whooaa,
Asha Ali and Balkan Beat Box- an amazing band
mixing electronic music with gypsie, klezmer, arabian
whatever, local- ghetto- rap- heros, very interesting
landed later in a punk- rockabilly-club, just because it was for free

stranded talking in broken German-Swedish
with the local shawarma guy for on hour and
nice black coffee in plasticcups,
all because we wanted chocolate milk and they haven´t had change for about 10 minutes

...funny, how I´m always so much more open to just meet people
when I´m "somewhere else"
precious

heading for more scandinavia maybe tomorrow
try to make all my stuff fit in 3 boxes

mmh

Når det sker...

people can turn into machines while working in a restaurant

closed the restaurant the other day,
its always this strange feeling, me and the restaurant alone at night
then went to see the end of a shortfilm in a park
it was about to swedish journalists in an african country documenting violent riots going on
and what happens with them while they are there, how it makes one crazy to see people die

the movie ends as they get controlled on their way by some rebells
they just got shot and that was it

walked home and passed a shop where they sell out wedding dresses
50% reduction
what a bargain

passed a turkish bakery where you can print your picture on your cake

I saw someone playing on a singer songwriter stage
he totally captured people

today i have time, ...so nice

nowhere, now here

in the city again since a while
was strange coming back without coming home
so many people left

but I´m glad i found a room for some weeks
will still work a bit at the restaurant
do lots of bureaucratic paperstuff exchange years require
and enjoy some summer here

the south was so nice
but to bike again at a rather fresh summer evening
through the city with this light feels just so good

what i also learned:
its certainly possible to travel 28h by train straight
and a good question is:
"when these buildings are so beautiful, why are people not make all buildings that beautiful?"
(a guy in spain told me he asked this question to his mum when he was little and spend a lot of time in the hospital Sant Pao,- which consists of amazing fairytale modernistic buildings)

pancakes at night is right

barrrrrrrrr the lona

i am red as a shrimp

i can't believe the hospitality i meet
so non-materialistic and non-posessive
can learn so much here

a random friend i haven't seen for years
offered me to stay in her paris-flat while shes not there
whooa

a "maid"(?) made my laundry

it makes me happy to see couples that are so smooth together
and to be with people that love to show their city
and to see beautiful people

i was hungry for music (tooo much background -TV in this country)
and la buena vida is the perfect siesta melody

i have hope that my skin turns brown one day
i have hope that we will get more peaceful the more we travel
i have hope to be able to live like a lady and a tramp
both with grace and gratitude

to travel away all fears
lala

Obrigado

had some intense days
with sleeping on the streets of madrid
or on random portugese fields
" getting totally lost is a good thing..."

walking and walking and walking
siestas in a hangmat
getting excited about beautiful mediterian tiles
shanti, shanti and garden work
irish music at bonfires
so good conversations
and finding myself again and again
in places and situations where i wake up asking
is this me whos allowed to experience all that

i am challenged, partly annoyed
and glad again, so much to think about
days without make-up and physical work
were good for me
obrigado barbara and tom

right now at the mediterian coast
hospitality from a studymate again
spend some hours at the beach
havent done that for years
waves are something nice
beachculture still feels foreign to me

4 more days

so much these last days
Madrid has been the impression overkill
so many different people
beautiful buildings
been in the Reina Sofia, one of the huge art museums in Madrid with modern to contemporary art
it hosts also the massive artwork of Picasso "Guernica", which he painted in response to the German bombings on this basque (republican) village
didn´t know all these things, didn´t know that Hitler tried to support Franco with bombing Spanish villages
and it feels like every time i travel i learn more about the history of my own country
Germany i can´t get away from you?

Spent the weekend with some spanish friends
somewhere in the solitude of the mountains of Burgos
there took a little creative-hippie-punk-festival place
in a village that became empty and some people try to recreate
a stage somewhere on a lonely rock
houseruins
a tiny church with self-build wooden altar
lots of creative courses over the day
did some ceramics, fimo and balloon animals
so nice to do something with my hands again
concerts at night
and me the only non-spanish speaking person
and i was lacking some dreadlocks
this area was so extremely beautiful

had also some strange days
am about to leave Salamanca now
had a beautiful evening here with some random spanish friends who
visited us once north and invited me for some Paella and going out
had such a nice time with really good talks
strange, how quickly you can click with people

gracias

pink toiletpaper

on the road again
or better on interrail
finally in first time in france
stayed at a friends in Rennes, bretagne
what is it about the french and using pink toiletpaper?
Ate too much whiteflourproducts, the danish would say
we wandered through the city
lot of small old stone houses
cidre and galettes for lunch at a creperi
watching people and being watched at the "street of thirst"
so nice
the talks about life as always

paris drove me crazy, as i had to get from the one big trainstation to the other one
never felt so stupid speaking english
this city leaves the feeling of wanting to conquer it


railed for hours and hours down south
went in Irun at 6 in the morning to a morning bar full of men
for some cafe solo, felt very right
hours through so dry land
mountains
Madrid is far too hot, maybe i will get finally some kind of tan:)
wandered for hours through the city, plaza after plaza after plaza
people stay here on the streets until 1
with their kids on weekdays in lavapies
"maddin" and i talk nearly only social work and immigration
passionate as we used to
so nice to be able to spend some time with my german studymates
we have to go to explore some more city

morning conversation

this morning i went into the room of my flatmate
to fold his laundry (yes) just because i needed the "clothdryhangything"
and then he asked me how late it was.
It was just around half past ten, so his reaction:
"so early? is it already sunday or is still saturday?"
me: "no its still saturday"
he: "because, you know, it could be possible because i have these post-its-block with 24 written on the side..."
me: "???"
he: "so it could be possible to sleep 24 hours"
me: "???"
he: "well, what i mean is, you know, sometimes you just wake up and talk crap and you are so convinced the stuff you say makes sense..."


i also kind of moved today
which means i moved some boxes to my flatmates room
which i will store somewhere else the next weeks
moving the next days to a friends summerhouse in suburbia
and then southern europe is calling me


had a week of womenshelter- together- on-holiday,
was fun, especially because my collegues convinced me that I should feel the freedom to phart loudly:)
and had some sorrows with 2 more flatmates leaving
so arrgh! when you got used to live together, and your live is suddenly missing so many small details
and the presence of people you started to love

enjoy the summer

juno

distortion electronic festival
every day in a different part of the city
in small shops and galleries on the streets in the parks
starting with an opening service in one of the biggest city churches
yep, exactly
with a viking bold head red beard priest
speaking clear words to electronic sounds
about its just love give it away
and respect to god and creation

gladness

the final party on one of the harbour islands
with beach excellent view on the city
and weired music in old factory halls
the masses of people wandering back in the morning
but sun rising at 3 o clock doesnt really push the party feeling

missed lot of these festival days
missed G8
but was glad that the normally conservative prime minister of my country put environment on high agenda

gladness again
as i read today that germany is getting a new law on foreigners where
so many people living with a "temporary suspension of deportation" finally will be allowed to work
big discussion also in denmark as they got critisised for letting Iraki asylum seekers wait in the asylum camps for years so their psycological constitution gets so bad they are not able to work

my flatmates annoy me, right now someone is shooting me with a water pistol...
i want to hit and hug them all the day
it often feels like i cant bring my life together at all
all these different worlds
when i come home from the women shelter
where we tried to laugh against upcoming fear and where i try to let things not come to close
i come home and can't take stupid boy jokes
i thought guys reading FHM are all "stupid" but that was also arrogant thought
loveable they are


my spanish flatmate woke me up at 4 the other day
telling me he can't sleep and if I'm joining him for a walk
i put a sweater on and we had small fighting about where to go
finally i gave in and followed him to an empty house we thought of checking out a while go
i was tired and cold

we found an open window in the backyard
matrasses and sleeping bags inside and some ungdomshuset tags
i was a bit scared and wanted to go again
com on tabea just lets go upstairs to check out the rooms there
uhyggeligt the danes would say
suddely there were lots of candles leading to the half rotten sunterrace where all my living commune sat with tea in thermo, music and cake wishing me happy birthday as the sun rose
guess that was one of the coolest birthday presents ever...

... the content of my fridge doesn't change just by looking more often in it...

Zeit, Tid, Time

too long
masses of letters and emails waiting to be answered

so much happened these last weeks
i'm still doing my internship at the women shelter
and enjoying it
still danish lessons
and a new job at a Japanese restaurant

got more into the topic of human trafficking for my work and also in connection to some documentary night of the international Student fellowship some of my friends started
+ a little bit street action
I had the feeling these small things went well and even if one doesn`t reach thousands with this topic raising awareness in few peoples mind might help

experiment last month (a few times):
just mix totally random people you know from different places in your living commune kitchen and see what happens

had my friend uli from my actuall studytown over, enjoyed long tea sessions again and some time with my small group and dancing, of course
and easter celebration: we cooked eggs, painted each one of them and hid them in the garden to look for them again,- we also made some easter bread and had it with the eggs at brunch
was nice to see how the boys sad all so concentrated painting their eggs

the weekend after a "scandinavian congregation" came over, from finland, norway and sweden.
guys, it was good to have you here: the walking around, reminding me, talks on the sunterrace, naps in the parks, prayers on the bed, the talks we had with other people of the city, ... thank you

Had also some changes in the living commune again, a danish girl living with us for two weeks, a new guy from holland who fits nicely in with his cozy nature, and very new an polish man who is quite older than all of us. I'm feeling really challenged by all of that,- just want to come home after my long days and feel safe. It's just taking me so much enery to get to know new random people and work out a living together, whether you fit together or not. My tolerance is streched and I'm trying right now to find a balance between feeling my needs and making those clear without being the grumpy complaining girl in the house...
Yesterday they had a fight with cooked potatoes in the kitchen, pieces of potatoes at the wall, on the floor,...
this is the chance to learn to get maybe more easy with things (not always), and maybe also to just take up people.
Anyway, I love it that they are just there when i come home, that they built a race track on the kitchen table (with 4 little cars!!!), that they are so hospitable...

I've also been in beloved Dresden the last weekend, my heart ached a bit when i went through my old quarter, and it was nice to join a small girls group i used to be part of and experincing how open and honest they are to each other and how freely they share their thoughts with god.
My friend got married, i felt a bit strange that whole day. It was just all to much to comprehend, the new couples, how friendships changed, and that i still feel that getting married is a pretty extreme thing. And too short time with my family. How do you keep in contact with the people meaning something to you?

This weekend was beautifully slow, some totally free days since weeks. Just slept so much, had BBQ with my flatmates in the park and went to a free concert of Ane Brun and Teitur, so beautiful
- one of the things i love this city for.

It's enough,
i should just sit down and be quiet for a while :)

...

one of the ways to keep violence going is to not problematise it, not to act about it, not to talk about it... to distract from it (free translated from Per Isdahl "the meaning of violence")

Danmark as one of the countries taking part in the irak war doesn't want to give asylum to about 600 irakian refugees waiting here in camps for a better life while sweden said yes to take up about 15000 refugees

Right now theres a big discussion in the media that the minister of culture threatened the public TV channel with an email to be less critical in reporting about the irak war

A country where humaniatian issues are/used to be valued extremely high and so the freedom of press...
to grant asylum to people from irak maybe would be an act of recognising that they didn´t suceed in a way they planned until now, that all of this could be wrong...


there´ve been lots of soap bubbles in the kitchen the last days
and an interesting talk with a gran canarian guy about the african immigration issue at a toga-party

by the way

check out the blog of steven
if you are interested in more
information on the riots and backgrounds

a veces si, a veces no

it`s been a while
my computer didn`t like to be forced to switch this blog to google
but finally we got forced

anyway, there are some news and thoughts
started a practical placement at a womens shelter for women who have been treated violently mostly from some ex- husband or partner. There are so many things we don't see.

so far it's really been a good time, especially cos the working-environment is really encouraging.
though speaking and listening to Danish all day is challenging.
I'm reading a lot about violence and am realising how much of an issue it actually is or can be in our daily life. How normally it is to get forced with power to do things you actually don't want to,
-the strange feeling in my stomach when i see a policecar.
Some more reflections on that might come later.

By the way,- the 25th of march is freedom day- which is used by the organisation www.stopthetraffik.org as i big action day against human trafficking. Might be good to check out and see what we can do in our local areas.

By reading all these free-newspapers here you can learn so much about the culture here
how people see themselves, what they estimate as important, how their view on problems is.
According to some research the Danes are the most happy people in the world.
(There are also lots of other researches pointing out Nigerians, Australians or Puerto Ricans are the most happy,- but anyway) Danes found that a bit strange and found out due to further research that their happiness is so high because their expectations are so low that they are more often positively surprised. Or maybe people are satisfied with less?
How does this fit together with every 7th Danish schoogirl cutting or damaging herself in other ways?
Do we believe we have to be "happy"?
Whats the difference between joy and happyness?

The riots here calmed down the last 2 days. It was interesting to see how suddenly there was a chance to stand up for something, to really fight, maybe too violently most of these days but beautifully with people demonstrating peacefully with flowers yeaterday,- and people just joined in a country whereelse people don`t seem to have to fight for so much concerning their local area. Where everything seems to run so smoothly.

Got new flatmates again- now we are spanish-italian-indian-israelian- german. The Dinner-times changed to late night, and there is more caring about each other which is great. I can't speak a spanish "r" which makes me, saying the names of my flatmates, sounding hilarious. I started to "waste" lots of time with my flatmates and guests again and i enjoy it- though there are parts when i feel so challenged, when things hit my face- but hope it's all part of a good learning process. gotta go

Another person in the computerroom just offered me a piece of chocolate... nice

invisible children

we had lately a documentary night with the international student fellowship
some of my friends started
showed the movie "invisible children" which is basicly a documentary made by 3 young american guys just going to sudan and north uganda to figure out what happended with all the children soldiers there,- they did it without experience, without any organisation and they met hundreds of forgotten kids, hiding every night in busparks to sleep in fear of getting abducted by rebellforces
they didn't want to be the people who will also forget them and started a movement called "invisible children" to mobilise people just not to forget

one of many things i thought at first
how much do i fight for justice?
in the discussion afterwards we found out that actually not many of us ever got involved in things concerning social justice.
I remember the passion i had as a little girl for all kinds of environmental and social things, i would fight my dad as he tried to cut our trees. My friends and i would get so upset about local trashed areas, commiting ourselves to "save" those.
This is still there, in all of us i think. Somehow i feel sometimes I read and studied so much about unbelievable and unacceptable things that i grew so fat of all this knowledge that i can hardly move, - act on it. Is it not our responsibility to raise our voice about every topic we get to know about, which is injust? But often just a feeling of helplessness, not knowing what to do or what would be the right thing to do is left.
....Either the professionals take care of it, yes it's terrible but we can't do anything about it anyway, we have to focus, daily life took it over, we got all used to it ...
I do feel capable of doing smaller things and we should not forget doing those, like Resa is often pointing out on her blog.
What about the big things? In Darfur, Sudan 200'000 people got killed since 2003 and millions were displaced. In an article from IRIN they say that besides that of course the government and rebelgroups have to agree, more international pressure is needed that the situation for the people will not get worse. Since last year december the situation also got more dangerous for the NGO's. I don't understand this conflict. I've been ignorant towards it most of the time.
I have no solutions. But haven't i also been convinced that i would act against ethnic cleansing out of all the history lessons? Not because i have a "special heart" for doing it, just because it has to be done. Because these are people made in Gods image.

Aren't we the international pressure?
How can we put more pressure on our governments to act more this issue? What can we as non-politicians do?

Hygge

After mentioning this wonderful Danish concept a lot, I found quite a nice description of it...

"-Oh aren't we having a hyggelig time!
When you are in Denmark there's no escaping the phenomenon "hygge" (the adjective form is "hyggelig"). Impossible to translate into English, the word designates a state of being and a feeling of complete satisfaction and relaxation, often in the good company of friends or relatives. Lit candles are an integral part of "hygge", The Danes just love their candles, and when the winter approaches they almost long for this cold and dark season when it's time to light the candles and have a "hyggelig" time.
Danes may "hygge" on their own, but usually it's something you do in company of one or more persons. "Hygge" very often involves eating or drinking of some sort, but it is possible to find Danes who are having a "hyggelig" time just sitting on a bench, without anything else but each other's good company. You don't neccessarily have to be with friends or aquaintances to have a "hyggelig" time,- you may hit it off with complete strangers, who will then immediately become part of the "hygge", perhaps ven without being aware of it. All they know is that when they leave, they'll be filled with a well-being in both body and soul. The "hygge"-concept is hard to explain, but one thing is for certain- it's the Danes' favourite leisure-time activity." from WHERE2GO 2007 International edition

flere historier

lately it finally snowed a lot
so much that the sky was bright at 3 in the night
and we went out to have some snowballfight

Nevertheless i bought the first yellow springflowers
and they look kinda nice

i went home from a party one early morning walking with my bike close by as the snow was to high to cycle
an elderly man took a walk with his dog at 6 in the morning he smiled at me and made some funny comment about the weather
thought that was beautiful,
i should try more to smile to people on the streets

a friend teached some good stuff the other day
about deserts which God uses to teach us to be close to him
and that these phases will come again and again.
One picture that really struck me was when he talked about the promised land as a land of milk and honey. Hope i get it together somehow. In Israel about 20% of the country can be used to grow all kinds of stuff and this is also where the honey comes from. The other 80% are dry land, where the sheeps are and the milk. The sheeps survive becuase their shepherds know the right time and places,- those places where early in the morning some small pieces of grass grow, when the sun is rising this grass quickly gets dry. So the sheep are dependent on their shepherd to lead them at the right time to these places to get some food in the desert. These places with the tiny bits of grass coming through the stones are called green pastures in Hebrew. Nothing with vast green land where the sheeps lay and grow fat, and the scripture of psalm 23 on the postcard. Just enough to go on. Talked about how easy we want to go away from the desert cos it seems like its not from god. Cos we think we gotta have it all together and then things have to run well, like if we believe right then God will give us the smooth successful life. And we miss out on his precious teachings. Was so good to hear that,- and it raised awareness in me. Thank you shepherd.

stories

i dreamed last night that the european union made the decision to introduce
Dutch as the "school-language" in all european countries, so that it would be cheaper to mainstream all education and to have exchanges...

the theoretical semester is over now, got today my credits for it,
after the last weeks have been so much work with our project about
"social work with members of ethnic minorities in the Danish Folkeskole".
Just learned so much.
The one evening i went home at midnight from the college, carrying the laptop and my broken bike through the city. Just wanted to get home and surely i didn't expected anyone to stop for helping me, maybe because i also would't do it.
At this one crossing there came suddely these 2 man, carrying big bags.
They just stopped and asked: Help you? slawian accent, i think.
I just was really amazed, that they being busy with other stuff, maybe being strangers in this
country just offered me their help. It so reminded me of how easily i get so caught up in my daily busyness that i don't realise anymore whats going on around me, don't recognise my neighbor. How much o life do we miss by this? Please God help us taking the time for each other.

Spend the other day some time again in this part of the city i like so much. It's just so alife, being often in the newspapers called "ghetto", due to its many colourful inhabitants and associated problems.
Nearly everytime i have a look in the shops, buying my fruits and vegetables, i have one or two random talks about where i come from or that black is a nice haircolour. It just makes me so glad being there, the interest, the openeness, the streetlife, the noise. A sign in one shop saying: "Foreigners, please don't leave us alone with the Danes". I like being here together.

We spend the evenings in the flat with candles, wine or tea and telling stories.
From India, Israel and Germany, Kibbuz, childhood in british-indian schools and daily stuff. Yesterday my flatmate from Israel pointed at a photo of a man in the newspaper, and told that she made once coffee for him. It was the leader of the israelian army.
These times are such a priviledge and quite challenging for me. Flatmates who require openness, changing people going in and out our flat, unpredictability, strange days, and the try to make this to some kind of home with a certain feeling of safety.
Feels like my range of actions and behaviour, they ways how i used to deal with people and things don't "work" anymore as i was used to and things just seem to slip my hands. And in all that there is still this wish for community. What if everything works totally different than i expected and what if i expected God to work and be here without seeing "all the conditions"?